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Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Sorry, my heart is taken OR It never rains, it pours!

"you came along,
proved me wrong
I thought that
I could never find,
U are the only one
who makes life fun
U're the only one of your kind
U are my dream come true..."
Lagbaja & Ego - Dream Come True


So, I'm a late bloomer.

Yea, everything happens to me later than they do my peers. Seriously! BUT, when they start happening, they/it/whatever happen/happens in chunks...masses...avalanche(s) (is there a plural for that? *shrugs*)

For example, it took me FOREVER to get this body! I think my curves have been growing one inch a year since i hit puberty, and guess what? I think my body is still developing at 25 (maybe I'm an exception to the rule...lol)

Same with male attention, it started coming late, which i didnt really mind cuz i was a "prude". I mean I still think it's shallow of guys to wait for me to sprout breast and grow hips before homing in but I understand...hehe.

So now @ 25, two ex-boyfriends, three years of self-inflicted singleness later, I finally meet someone who's making my heart bloom again and it starts to pour, again! How come they never swarm like this when one is single and not "hearting" anyone? mcheew

You know what I think? I think men can "smell" when a female is "feeling" and I propound that THAT is when they find females most attractive! Anybody with a contrary opinion?

Please find below the list of the men who have suddenly appeared in the last three months, especially within the last month (when I finally agreed that I do love someone)

THE ONE WHO PROPOSED ON FB


Meeting point: Work (ex-office)

Stats: tall, dark, handsome,older and wears asphyxiating perfumes.

Summary: sought me out on fb and wrote "na me go marry u" along with his friends request.

Verdict: In his mind!

THE ONE WHO WANTED ALL MY ATTENTION


Meeting point: A friend (I so hate match-making!)

Stats: tall enough, dark, older and okay looking.

Summary: He decided I was the one he's been waiting for his whole life, and proceeded to call all the time and ask to kiss me on second meeting!we drifted apart, until he started calling again recently.

Verdict: who be fool? (he also had a sort-of-girlfriend, HELLO!)sorry, not looking for an overgrown baby.

THE ONE WITH THE GUN


Meeting Point: New Job

Stats: Tall enough, WHITE, older and over-tanned

Summary: He's around for three months and his job requires a really cute pistol in his back pocket at work. Has invited me to two restaurants (maybe he thinks all black girls are cheap) and stalks me at work.

Verdict: I lost interest in white guys when I once tried to kiss one and could not find his lips! I like them plum and juicy mehn. I still love half-caste babies, but maybe I'll adopt one or marry a Spaniard / Italian, the languages make their mouths more bearable. Sorry dude, I'm a lip racist! plus, the gun freaks me out.

THE ONE WHO PESTERS MY FRIEND


Meeting Point: Once at Shoprite

Stats: Can't even remember

Summary: He is a colleague of my friend's. She IMed two weeks ago to say he's been pestering to be formally introduced to me.

Verdict: Sorry dude, my heart's taken.

THE SECRET ADMIRER


Meeting Point: work

Stats: Don't know

Summary: got a call from a colleague asking if i had a boyfriend. I said maybe, asked why and she said I have a secret admirer bla bla.

Verdict: Something tells me it's the dude with the gun but I'm not sure. Whoever it might be, sorry dude, I like my men bold PLUS my heart's taken.

THE ONE WHO FELL FOR ME IN THREE DAYS


Meeting Point: Work

Stats: 6"4, dark, older and cute

Summary: met him at work and actually gave him my number on the same day, because he seemed sensible and cool. Three days worth of calls later, he says he is falling for me and making out with me in his head! plus, he has a Caucasian fiance o, whom he said he told about me, "e gba mi" (somebody save me).

Verdict: Dude, I don't "boyfriend-snatch". I also think you should pick one race and stick with it. I think u are nice though but even if u didn't have a fiance and were not so confused, my heart's taken.

THE ONE MY COUSINS ARE ADVOCATING FOR

Meeting Point: My cousin's house

Stats: tall, dark, older nd handsome

Summary: My cousins started off teasing us both and we hit it off. Found out later that he has a girlfriend who is in the UK. I think she's a lucky girl.

Verdict: Maybe if the circumstances were different... just maybe... but my heart's taken and so should yours be.

THE SPECIAL ONE


Verdict: Somehow u did it dude, despite the fact that you are not quite like the guys I've dated or crushed on, YOU STOLE MY HEART, and guess what? I'm not sure I want it back!


HAPPY EASTER PEEPS, SORRY I'VE BEEN MIA, INTERNET ISSUES AND OTHER STORIES. Sorry if the post is long...it should make up for the two weeks without posts...lol

46 comments:

Tigeress said...

How can i be first?

Tigeress said...

thot it was too good to be true. Let me go and read. Only just seeing the post tho.

Tigeress said...

Shoprite? Interesting....If i didnt know better i'd have thot u were in NJ.

So out of all these numerous suitors (as my mum will call them)- which one are u gonna pick?

cerberus said...

I have missed you chica. SeƱor is a lucky dude and may he hold you for as lomg and as hard as you want him to.

El loco hombre
From
Cerberus

Smaragd said...

TIGRESS, u are first o...lol. I just left ur blog! this is happening for the second time.

NJ as in New Jersey or Naija?

I dont even consider them suitors, the Special One is the only one who interests me.

CERBERUS, this must be MY! je te manque aussi monsieur. Amen Senor, muchas gracias.

LovePaprika said...

I am so sexy right now! hope I am third!!!

Verdict: In his mind!
abeg make u help me tell am! lol.. thanks 4 stopping by hon xx

ibiluv said...

u got me laffing me head off

whats with you not remembering their stats?????????

mind them not(guys)........na so dem dey do

they come knocking when we are taken........mschewwwwwwwww

hold on to *the one*.....mwah!!!!!!!!!!!!

naijagirl said...

hahaha, you so crazy. i love this post and the stats...how come they all end with your heart is taken? Heart taken as in you blocked it in the interim of singleness or heart taken with another?

Qube The Wordsmith said...

nice....

Dude's a lucky one

~Sirius~ said...

And the date says April 1st...you might want to change that..........Kept wondering why I didn't see you on my blog roll.

ALL THOSE MEN!!!!!!
LOL@ your verdicts- In his Mind! Lmao!

And why is it the "perfect ones" are always already hooked up- *sigh.
Thank God your heart is taken.

Odd as it seems- we women end up falling for people we least expect.

rethots said...

Hmmm, how beautiful.

JustDB said...

Guess options are always nice to have.. and they feed our inner narciccist!

doll said...

hmm

CaramelD said...

Your post has an older date on it babe.

Men are like buses. Wait ages for one and three come aong at once.

Isn't funny how most of them had another woman somewhere else. Chai!

kay-shawn said...

Congratulations to the lucky dude. So you're no longer sigle. lol@ lip racism. You have a really sexy pair yourself.

isha said...

Awww...
That's cute, about the one who stole your heart.

I hate match-making too...

Confessions of a London gal said...

Awwwww @ you not wanting your heart back... They do say Love is a beautiful thingBut come o, how come u met almost all of them at work? Gimme that your work address may I come check them out myself! Lol

P.S. Se na security Whitey dey do, abit whatsup wit the gun?

RocNaija said...

Awww..

*Proceeds to skip round living room*

Smaragd's got a lover!

Smaragd's got a lover!!

Smaragd's got a lover!!!

RocNaija said...

Love is a funny thing. It has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it..

You go girl..

Lol @ Lip rascist & CaramelD's comment..

I'll have you know women are like buses as well..

RocNaija said...

PS.. You know Roc prefers two posts to one long one..

Dontcha?

ablackjamesbond said...

Sweet! Love is a beautiful thing dear. Am happy for u.

Buttercup said...

hehehehe! to hell with all of em, u've got a winner!

happy for u, sis!

mwah!

ScoopsNija said...

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TDVA said...

nice post. really fun. like the way u listed the dues and all, i should steal that ;)

Tigeress said...

whoo-ooh! I was 1st. Saw that u left a comment on mine as soon as i left urs. :)

tobenna said...

Na wah oh.
See list???
Ah ah.
You must really be in demand.
You see, its things like this that kepp guys on their toes (if they really like you). Serious competition.
Sigh.
Thats one of the disadvantages of being married. No further attention.
Or so some might think :P

tobenna said...

P.S.
I knew there was someone I was missing out on! YOU.
Ok. Now I'm back, my apologies for going AWOL on ya.
I can clearly see you are keeping well....

LG said...

HABA!!!!!!!!!! omoge only u???? :-)

Shubby Doo said...

ignore those yeye bobos jare...glad you are blossoming again...this one no be rain o! na sunshine love ;-)

Shubby Doo said...

tigeress was first here 2?!...woman u are on a roll! :-)

aloted said...

i actually enjoyed reading this...

thumbs up to the special one :)

Sexkitten said...

Nice fun post. I love it. LOL @ you being a lip racist. I am too. Gotta have lips.

I hope you're having better luck commenting on my blog. I really have no idea what's going on. I appreciate you.

scribble,me.free said...

how did i miss this post?

Wilkommen Smaragd...sounds like ur running things where you're at

miz-cynic said...

i like dis post.its happy go lucky.no regrets,no bitterness.im happy ur happy

StandTall-The Activist said...

So much love and happiness in the air! Go girl!

FFF said...

Lmao @ tobenna. U can look sha but no touching. Lol. No oh,pls don't look oh. Na from looking touching dey start. @ samargd: babe,u r in hot demand oh. Na so e dey happen sha. Ur happiness makes u glow,daz y they flock 2 u

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Its raining men in your hood, should post you a bucket so you may catch me some.

Muse said...

gud fer ye gurl, gud fer ye.

fantasy queen said...

omg, i want my heart stolen too...right now its on lease.

Naked soul said...

seems u meet most at work, can i come work at urs?
like they say, when a woman is taken, thats when she's most attractive.....

uNWrItten* said...

u just fashied me ..

O'Dee said...

I like that you know where your heart is.

Uzezi said...

very funny post. thank God your heart is stolen and u like that you love where it is. that secret admirer at work might just be a she u know? lol.

u make me miss being 25

Bibi said...

I feel you on the not finding the lips part mehn. I also likem 'em juicy and plum. And although the secret admiring sounds romantic, it gets annoying and weak after a couple of days. As for your heart thief, goodluck on that. Nice post.

Jabez said...

I LOVE THIS POST.. so fun to read.. and yes, why does it rain hard when yur bucket is already full? well, best wishes to you and your love!!!!

UnderCover07 said...

Ahn ahn where did they all start resurrecting from...lol.

The whole "feeling" is a good thing. Just the thought of the person warms your heart...*sighs* "If this isn't love say what it is..." (Jennifer Hudson)

Nice blog, first time here!