Thursday, 20 March 2008



I'm feeling so "whateverish" today! It's just been that knid of day when u get to work and dont feel like saying good morning to anybody. In short, it's a bitch of a day!

Infact, the most productive thing i've done today is listen to music and read blogs (Hengish's blog cheered me up a little, which is why i pepped up enuf to bitch about my day)

I'm just MAD at everyone especially my boss and my office boyfriends.

My boss because he couldnt even clue in to my "please-just-leave-me-alone" attitude, and proceeded to remind me of every little chore i forgot and every teensy detail i overlooked in an "i-dont-care-if-u'v-got-pms-or-a-heartbreak" way! All that after I asked him for one of his weekly cakes ( we've got this weekly supply of the most heavenly cakes, and if u dont book ahead , u myt have to beg) and he said no (he had 6!).

My office boyfriends because they chose today of all days to flirt with other girls in the office, in my very before! I just glared at everyone like the grim reaper and snapped my fingers at them in my mind. (wetin be my own sef, shebi me too am just perching ehn? what do i expect their real life girlfriends to do if she sees them hugging me and treating me like the one? )

Dont mind me, i'm just in the mood to berate everyone and everything! starting from the okada riders, to the securitymen at work, to the office assistants, to my boss, to the MD, to the president of Nigeria. everything is everybody's fault jare. Why am i even working?(apart from the fact that i get paid and get to browse for free, God forbid that i go to a cybercafe!)

My boss just called me again! to call my attention to YET another overlooked detail! ki lode? this man leave me alone jare, na by force?

I need a SHRINK and a neurologist!

I am beginning to suspect that i might be schizophrenic. Seriously! sumtyms i'm so sweet that even i am irritated by the saccharinnness of it. Then I'm JekyllandHydeishly snappish... scaring away even my office boyfees who think i dont flatulate(if only they knew that i grew up in a household where fart marathons were the order of the day)

Ehen, someone else I want to blame for my bad mood is the canteen woman, the food wasnt it at all. She was just lucky that she didnt gimme her nasty attitude today, I was ready for her! Since I couldnt vent at my boss (hey, u cant blame me, i still need a place to browse for free). Fortunately for her, she was unxteristically docile. Maybe she could sense my mood miles off.

It's 20:30pm and i'm still at work! I just dont feel like upping and going home... what sort of nonsense day is this sef, ehn?

Oya I have to go, b4 i get disowned for getting home late... yes o!21hrs is considered late where i live, can u imagine that? at 24! no wonder I'm probably schizophrenic (all that bottled up wildness that my family wont allow me give expression to has to be going somewhere right?)

My boss finally gave me one of the cakes (since morin), i'm sure he gave me out of fear because i was just giving him "bad eye" all day. I've glared so much today i can feel my pupils ache! na wa o, it's not even easy to be bad-tempered.

GTG now, maybe my bed will calm me a bit. ooohhhh, i just remembered that my 3yr old cousin will be sleeping with me today, and the boy sleeps like Kilik in Soul Calibur! he just kicks and hits and slaps and ... if the boy tries me today ehn, hmm.

G'nyt blogsville and here's wishing u a really happy easter (it's not coming from my heart o, cuz am still feeling bitchy, but for courtesy's sake sha).

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Because Mama said so!

It was my older brother's wedding on saturday, so as it always is, our house was teeming with relatives (past and present), and as it always is with relatives, you get to hear stories of yourself dating as far back as how you were conceived and born a day before your parents' wedding and so on (that actually happened to my cousin).

So my godmother came around and somehow, yours truly became the topic of discussion. Suffice it to say that I found out things about me that both pleased and unnerved me! the conversation went as below:

Mum: Didi, did u know that aunty Oyibo(my godmum is so light-skinned,that anyone lighter than she is would actually be an albino!) delivered you?
Godmum: yes o, and now she's a young woman eh? "omode o n pe dagba" (meaning children grow really fast)
Dad: please tell her about that "manger" in which she was born, this one who speaks english like a parrot with hot yam in its mouth!

At this point, a part of me was of course itching to get out of there, while another part was eager to hear the rest of this maudlin conversation (maybe the part where i hear how cute i was as a baby etc), of course it took them forever to get to that interesting part!

Mum: really Didi, that maternity center was horrible! u dont even have a birth certificate! (now am fuming) unlike your brothers who were born in teaching hospitals.
Godmum: remember how she came out with her eyes wide open? we were all shocked and wondering what kind of child she was!

I was standing right there and they were talking about me in the 3rd person! great!

Mum: yes o! and she immediately stuck her thumb in her mouth like someone who'd been on a dry fast...ha ha ha
Godmum: I had to intubate you (at least they are addressing me now) to clean out your innards so you could start eating. You were all blotchy and covered in your own amniotic sack (yea,like that's my fault), so i had to clean u up (did i mention that both my mum and godmum are nurses?, well they are)...
Mum: "o wa fine" meaning "you then looked beautiful" (see why i called it maudlin, i got teary here), everybody said you were a fine baby and that u'll be really sharp because in those days babies didnt open their eyes until two days or more later (I felt like a superhuman at this point, too much!)
Dad: I remember how she called me "addy" when she started talkin(awww,really mushy stuff)

Then i was making fun of one of my baby cousins who isnt walking at 1yr plus, and my mum said, "look who's talking!you didnt start walking until a week after your 1st birthday"
yeeee, everybody started laffing!

why do parents do that? just totally burst your bubble when you are feeling really cool wiv yourself? it's like a special talent they all possess.

I also heard about how much of a terror I was, how I would beat other kids who were brought to play with me, I was a little Chun li (cute and deadly!). That gave me some satisfaction (believe me it did) because as far back as I can remember, I have never been involved in a fight, I cant fight to save my life! I am the mouthy type, who insults and then runs away.

Anyway, the reminiscing was endless and I doubt that y'all want to hear how my mum loved to carry me around cuz I was Oh so cute and chubby... and how i cut my first tooth bla bla...

So, that'll be all for today peeps... am still cute 'n' deadly by the way, just in case u were

Monday, 17 March 2008


Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Decisions contd


the very thot of them makes me shiver! what would that phobia be called?

questions like: have u decided yet?
what exactly do you want to do with your life?(live it?!)
where do you see yourself in the next five years? (rich duh!)
have u made up ur mind?
what's it going to be?
even to the really almost unimportant:
what would you like to eat?
which dress would you like to wear?
red or blue?
short or long?
big or small?
i just always have issues with making up my mind!

Now, i totally admire those people- especially ladies like me- who seem to know exactly what they want, to the last T! I look at them and think, why cant i be like that?
One thing though that I like to tell people when they ask me what i want and i'm spinning inside, totally confused, is that "at least i know what i dont want".

which is actually true and useful in cases where there are two options, but where the options abound and almost all of them have an element or two i like? i become Alice in wonderland!

I cant even tell my favorite color, because i have more than several favorites!

Am i weird or am i weird?


Decisions = Incisions

hey good people of blogsville,
please lemme know if there is any other person who has thesame issues i have with making decisions. I really need to know because it's becoming a thorn in my otherwise rosy life, and i fear it's peculiar to me alone ("there is no greater fear than the fear of believing a particular problem is peculiar to one alone! same as there is no greater hype than the hype of believing that a particular great thing is peculiar to one alone" my quote).

long and
short of this
narrative is that
i hate making decisions!
it's a procedure that i really co-
nsider painful as having incisions cut
into the most sensitive part of my delicate
skin! recently, i had to decide which department
i'd like to work with at the agency (mind you, i was very
lucky to even have the option of choosing, and i almost blew it).
This might sound immodest but it's true, I am one of those people who
are actually good at many things and have nary a one best talent or favorite
thing! so, when i was given the options of working in either the creative
dept(wrote the test and passed), or working in the client service
dept,or the HR dept, i totally went into numb mode! it is
such a major decision because i just completed d
youth service program, so whatever i dec-
on will most likely be a career path
for life! i got so worried about
making this life altering
decision(u can laff
all u want but
i'm dead
anyway, I finally settled for HR and believe me , it's not because i got some powerful revelation during the night or sth. I settled for it because i served in that dept and thank God for the overflogged cliche "the devil you know..."

Oh wait! something just came up that'll probably change my career path yet again! and this time for the better, wow, i'll blog about it layta peeps... i just had a sort of interview/meeting with the GMD and it really sounds good to me...

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

Blog, Schmog

Hope u are wondering WTF is she on about?

cuz am wondering those words just sound right for a title.

I just replied one of Ibiluv's blogs where she expressed her likeness to and for Beyonce, and in my reply , i clearly displayed my beef. yea, Beyonce is hot and she knows it, which is really alright by me, but there is just this "destructive achiever" vibe i get from her that doesnt go down well with my bolus of eba! and for want of sth less bitchy, i'll say Beyonce thinks she "pisses eau de cologne and shits Ferrero Rocher chocolates"! vindictive much? u ask, maybe... but i dont feel that way about Halle Berry (who is absosugarlutely gorgeous) or Julia Roberts, or Salma Hayek (who's totally sultry), or even Jlo! to mention a few.

anyway,that is all beside the point...

is it that
before i come
online, i have terrific
ideas in my head to blog
about, but as soon as i get here,
they all fizzle out of my now-suspiciously
porous brain! i have always regarded meself,
and so do some other pple, as possessing a fantastic
memory! i even like to think that were I a memory card
or jump drive (as a friend of mine calls it), I would have limitless
gigabytes or "hegabytes", "jezabytes" or whatchumacallitsbytes! but
here I am, so totally vapor headed, i'm ...vapor headed! cant even think of
an adjective. Whatevs sha, i remember saying that i'll write about an eventful
day at work. I work in HR/Admin in my agency, which means that i get to sit in for
the frontdesk chic when she's under the weather (which isnt often, God be thanked!).
So this fateful day (the day before i said i'll write about this eventually), i get to work, settle
in and my boss tells me " u'll be sitting at the front desk today", i groan and roll my eyes and tried, oh how i tried, to weasle my way out of it, but my boss said i had to with that look on
his face that he gets when he's really pissed at me when i try to pull girly stunts on him
( i swear the man is totally immune to EVERY girly charm possible!). So i pack my
stuff and slink off with my tail btw my legs to the freaking front desk, the whole
time cursing all the greek gods of ill health who caused this to happen. Little
did i know that i was in for a worse fate! i hadnt even put down my stuff
when someone calls and i go " hi frontdesk" and the person says
"where is Lat?" that's the frontdesk girl, and i reply bitchily
"she says she's ill", and the person goes, ok, call 000000
for me, thanx. I'm about to do that, when the next call
comes in, thesame dialogue ensues and as if i didnt
have to act like an octopus already, a guy walks
in, totally cocky and obnoxiously asks me
for my boss, i had no choice but to smile
and say good morning and politely
tell him "he is in meeting", while
on the inside i'm hitting him
over the head with the
phone box! vicious
eh? ooohhhhh
GTG, my boss....

Monday, 10 March 2008

Of movies, novels and fragrances

Wacked title right?

i know... it's just that i have been so busy all day today that i cant even write what i actually planned to write.

My title came from the fact that i spent the whole weekend watching movies and reading a novel (the funny Irish sort) and i actually enjoyed meself.
the movies yea? August Rush and (dont laff at me now) Shrek 3, i know Shrek 3's been out for like ever, and i am rather behind (that's what my friend and colleague at work Zamakus said when i told her excitedly about my weekend! she totally flooded my parade, the silly girl!)
So i just saw after a long time, so what? maybe if i'd seen it earlier, i wouldnt have enjoyed it as much...duh!

The fragrances? hmmm... I just came in contact with SJP's Covet and am totally madly in love, it's like a cross btw Lancome's Miracle and Tresor, spicy, exotic and madly sexy! then I came in contact with Versace Woman today, a guy at work smelt it on me and just made me feel like a superwoman because he was so into it...

GTG now peeps, will continue tomorrow hope fooly ...

Friday, 7 March 2008


can you imagine what it feels like to wake up in the wee hours, say 3am, with a blacksmith at work somewhere in my frontal lobe, to a hot, dark room (which means somewhere during the nyt the lights went out and my fan stopped blowing its almost-hot air!) with a bad case of the shits! only to get to the loo and find that water's stopped running as well! talk about Murphy's law (which by the way in nigerianese would be "things fall apart" or maybe Chinua Achebe's law)!! I was instantly wary of what sorta day today would turn out to be, cuz I mean it's not even morning yet and all these have come up... Scheisse!

I stayed awake till 5ish thinking of the different things i'll like to blog about... and i really cldnt come up with anything be'er than this.

OMG! this is my first real blog and am talking all crass and having a rage black-out! Sorry peeps, at least if only for today I should be all ladylike and sophisticated u know, form a little. I know they say xter is like smoke and the thin veneer of "toucheness" would eventually fade off, still it shouldnt stop me from making an effort abi?

Anyway, it's bordering on 3pm and i have succeeded in not permitting Murphy to control my day. The blacksmith's gone on break after two paracetamol soldiers charged it with trespassing and flooded his workstation with lot of water (all that took place in my head?!), I still have a minor case of the shits but it hasnt deterred me from having a nice lunch, all consequences be damned plus there is no such thing as heat at work, infact i've had to switch off the AC at least twice today. So there Murphy, i think ur law's wacked.

Work's been great so far today, nothing eventful's happened. yesterday was something else though, i'll write all about that layta.

E tutto per oggi (in english, that's all for today)
stay tuned, who knows? i might get inspired to write something really