Friday, 31 October 2008

Making A Nest

"your roses smell like
- Outkast

Let me share a special skill with you, one that once acquired can guarantee you an infection free bum. Read on...

Required tools:

1. Toilet roll ( a lot)

2. Handwashing liquid (preferably anti-bacterial)

3. Running water

When you enter any relatively clean toilet, especially the one in your office, look around to make sure that the toilet is still within "salvaging" limits. Once that is affirmed, take your toilet roll, wrap a huge wad, spray some hand wash onto it and proceed to wipe the toilet rim clean.

make sure the wad is thick enough for your hand not to touch the toilet.

Once that is done, you pick the toilet roll again and count three leaves, then cut. Lay the three leaves on the long side of the bowl. Count another set of three, cut and lay on the other long side, then cut two leaves for the short, frontal part of the bowl.

This measurement is very accurate for the standard toilet bowl.

The toilet should look very well covered at this point, there should no ceramic in sight.

Next, you roll up another wad of tissue and drop horizontally in the toilet bowl, such that the water that is normally found in the bowl is very well covered.

NOW you can sit on the padded toilet and fire away!

Flush when you are done, I assure you that all the tissue will flush without complications.

Please wash your hands before and after the do.

ADVANTAGES of this procedure:

a. there will be no direct contact with the toilet bowl

b. there is no risk of "splashing" no matter how hard/soft the excreta.

c. one does not need to be uncomfortable using toilets in places like the office or a friend's house.

d. the toilet will most probably smell less after you are done than it would if you had not made a nest.

NOTE of Warning:

I would only do this to a toilet in a semi-trusted place like my office. Would so not try this were I still in OAU!

Come back to thank me later if you never knew this, and if you did, well, share with me anything you feel i left out.

Thank you.


thank you all for your honest contributions to my last post, I apologise if I scared some people.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

100% pro-life?

" my coat of many colors
my Mama made for me...
- Dolly Parton

It was my mum's birthday yesterday, and while I'm a bit too lazy at the moment to write her the ode she deserves, I must say that my mum is the strongest woman I know. She is also the most quietly determined! We clash a lot but I am ever so protective of her.

My mum.

I have her body, to see us from behind one would assume we were sisters. I have her hands and fingernails, probably the shape of her face as well.

My mum.

She's been Forty-something for as long as i can, and she gets away with it because of her frame and her good skin. "kosarugbo ni Ghana" (there is no old person in Ghana), that's what we call her...lmao

I will write her an ode later, the real reason for my title is this:

I like to think I am pro-life yea? but I have these questions for you my peeps,

IF you were pregnant OR if your wife was pregnant and you found out through technology that the foetus had Down's Syndrome, would you have the baby? would you remain pro-life?

IF it were discovered that the baby had sickle-cell anemia, would you have the baby?

IF having the baby would mean losing the mother, would you have the baby?

forgive me if I come across as pessimistic or uncaring or what-not, I have an older friend who has a child with Down's Syndrome and believe me , IT IS NOT EASY, period!

I have worked with kids with Down's Syndrome, and while i love these kids to bits, i cant help wishing they didn't have to live like that.

On the other hand, I feel every baby has a right to life.

just tell me what you think okay?