Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Did u know...?

"even if i wanted to
express sympathy,
i physically cant"
- Wilhemina Slater "Ugly Betty"

... that leeches, maggots and certain bugs are very useful for getting rid off "bad blood" and dead flesh (medically proven and even back in use these days)?

... that maggots would only eat dead flesh? when they get to the good part, they leave "well enough alone".

... that the fear of insects is called ENTOMOPHOBIA?

... that even though i know it might not be a good idea, i would dearly love to meet you peeps?

... that virginity is overrated! if anything it leaves me thinking more about sex than the average sexually active person?

... that u peeps make my days more interesting and meaningful ( i learn a lot in blogsville)?

... that i have nothing else to tell u really and i'm now rambling?

Seriously, what do you guys think of the use of these blood and flesh suckers in medicine (going back to the medieval days)? would you allow doctors/surgeons use them on U?

Friday, 18 April 2008

Blog, Schmog, Glob

"aint no mountain high enough
aint no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough
to keep me from getting
to you ba-bay - Diana Ross? Tina Turner? (too lazy to verify)

So i spent the whole day yesterday blogxploring, and now i feel guilty! I'm afraid my boss will write "irresponsible" on my appraisals.

It is for this very reason that i abandoned facebook.

You see, i'm not cut out for the jobs where one sits in front of the system all day, it's against my configuration!

So after a few weeks at this job, i started spending a lot of time OFF my seat, which my boss complained about.

Now that i've discovered blogger, i'm ON my seat but not doing what i should, eesh!

is it by sitting on one spot that u know who is hardworking and who isnt? "nonsense and concobility"

Monday, 14 April 2008

Dresses, Tresses and Stresses

If I said u had a good body
would u hold it against me?
-my tank top years ago

Aloha Blogsville,

i've been swamped at work (bossman was on leave so i was on my own) and also too lazy to write. In short, i apologize for the break. I still dont have anything specific to write o, hence the title and the rambling that u are about to read.

I love dresses! especially the short, sleeveless, summery types that cling to my torso and flow freely from my waist. I look fantastic in them (vanity upon vanity abi?, pls allow me for today), they make me feel very sexy and feminine, and believe me when i say feminine is something i'm just learning being an only girl child with three brothers and fourteen male cousins.

You see, i'm a late bloomer. EVERYTHING happened to me late! I was straight as a pole for a really long time, and considering that i've always loved clingy dresses and baby tees, u can imagine my despair when there was absolutely no shape for these sexy clothes to cling to! Let me explain how late a bloomer I am,

...I had my first real pimple recently (I am 24 now by the way)
...I got my first bra in senior secondary school (papi insisted that nobody buy me a bra till my breasts had grown to a substantial size cuz he believed bras would stop them from growing!), so they grew to a substantial size only when I was about 14 and then they kept growing at such an alarming rate at some point that i had to start praying to God for them to stop!
...Mama wouldn't let me perm my hair until i graduated secondary school, age 16 to be precise.
...I got defensive when guys approached me until i was 19, i just cldnt imagine being anyone's girlfriend then, so i chased them all away with a really sharp tongue and tomboyish moves.
...I had my first kiss at 19! dont laff o!
...I finally grew into my now really hot bod some three years ago! so u understand why i just love it too much, cuz it still surprises me everytime i look at it (which is ALL the time, i'm in love with full length mirrors).

Lemme leave some things for later jo.

Anyway, back to dresses, i was on a bridal train this weekend and our dresses were absolutely gorgeous! the style? mint green polished lace corset style dress, with a flirty short skirt(i mean the lower part). U guys should have seen me prancing and feeling very feminine,"Okoro feeling funky" as my aunty would say.

Another fact about my dresses, they are either short or very long, i don't like that three quarter hemline thingy.

Another big love of mine is HAIR. unfortunately i'm having bad hair day today! after spending money and time at the salon yesterday steaming and hotbrushing the ungrateful thing...*reallylonghiss*.
To be fair to my hair, it's usually very co-operative, relaxes easily,looks very silky for a long time and generally does me proud (except my hairline which cuts easily, so i have to be really careful)... until i streaked it and had it cut into "Anita Baker". Now ehn, the hair is stubborn, still relaxes but gets due in a month and it now lacks the luster it had when it was pure black. I don tire. sometimes I just feel like hacking the whole thing and going bald!

My stresses? my hair tops the list, the ache in my legs and thighs from all the dancing on sat and running around i did for the bride and my boss who wont give me today off to nurse myself back to health (not been 100% for a week or more now).

Enough of my chatter, how was your weekend blogsville? i have blogxpored a bit today and read some interesting posts, i eagerly await the others.

Thursday, 3 April 2008

Nightmare on her Street!

She met him at work.

She was new and he was friendly. They got talking and found that they'd attended thesame high school albeit a really long time ago! yay! He'd been a year ahead of her, and even though she couldn't really remember having met him, it was okay, at least she now had a friend at the new office.

They became fast friends. She popped in to say hi as soon as she got to work, and he did thesame. Then he asked her one day if she'd like to hang out, she said it was impossible to get away for a whole night but she'd look for a way around it.

She loved dancing and he said he did too.

This fateful day, she'd been able to spin her folks, told some story about having to work overnight at the office...

He took her to his house (he had a really big house), where they rested for a bit, picked up another friend of his and hit the roads ready for a night out. They visited some clubs and finally settled for one. She started dancing and so did he. She had only one drink but he had several... then he started getting touchy, trying to paw her on the dance floor, she shook him off and kept dancing with him and his buddy.

By 3 a.m, the music was getting louder and she was having fun. Then he said they should head home, she was perplexed, she thought they were going to dance all night and drink as many coffees as it took to stay awake at work the next day. He said he needed to rest so he could function at work the next day. She felt a little wary about going to sleep over at his house, but she definitely couldn't head home this late, her aunt would throw a shit fit! besides his house was closer.

So she grudgingly followed him home. He took her to a room on the first floor of the house and left, she breathed a sigh a of relief, grateful that he was gentlemanly enough to give her her own room.

She decided to go straight to sleep without changing, afterall there were only about 3 hours till morning. Then she heard the door open and saw him come back in, she asked him if he'd forgotten something and he shook his head. He said he wanted to spend the night next to her, she tensed at his words but said nothing.

He got into the bed, fortunately it was a big one, and she moved to the farthest end of it. Then he reached out to touch her, she stiffened and told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't attracted to him that way.

And that was when the horror began...

He got really mad and forced her to face him. Then he told her in a voice she didnt recognize, that he was going to have his way with her whether she consented to it or not. He said he'd always wanted to do this and that how could she have been so stupid not to have noticed?

She was trembling now. Tendrils of fear coming uncurled in her mind, reaching out into every vein in her body... this was her greatest fear coming to pass...

Hoping to reason him out of it, she said they were just friends and that she wasnt ready to take it further than that.

That infuriated him!

He shoved her off the bed with a crazed look in his eyes and asked why they couldn't be more, did she think he wasn't good enough for her? She said she was sorry, that she hadn't implied that. He said it was fine, so long as he had his way.

She was on her period and she told him as much, he shook his head, pinned her down, stripped off her jeans and pulled down her panties. She was crying now, begging him to stop. She felt so humiliated and terrified. Who was this guy? where was the nice, gentle guy who'd befriended her over the weeks?

He was undaunted by her her tears, he kept up a monologue the whole time he was derobing her, telling her how he was going to rape her tonight and how nothing could stop him. He saw her soiled sanitary towel, pulled it out, looked at it and asked himself out loud if he was this wicked, she was hoping in her heart that he would change his mind. But he didnt, he said the blood would only serve as a lubricant. She was horrified!

He stood up to pee and she saw it as an opportunity to flee. Without bothering to dress, she ran towards the stairs, he went after her, caught up with her, slapped her resoundingly across the face. He told her not to bother screaming cuz nobody would hear her and that if she tried running away again, she would regret it.

She whimpered silently while he dumped her unceremoniously on the bed and proceeded to run his hands all over her, not the least bit bothered by the blood trickling unto her thighs and the bed.

She started pleading, begging him to stop, telling him to rethink this. This wasnt how she wanted her first time to be. That excited him more! she was a virgin! He leered at her lasciviously and told her she was a fool for staying a virgin, had her boyfriends been gay or plain stupid?

She told him she would place a curse on him if he raped her. That earned her another slap and infuriated him no end, coupled with the fact that he couldn't get it up which he blamed her for. Eventually, he poised himself at her orifice and thrust... but he couldn't get in, she was way too tight and small... He got angry and ordered her to relax!

She couldn't help herself, she started praying out loud, telling God she was sorry and that if he got her out of this mess intact, she was never gonna spin any more tales to her folks, she would never go out with any guy again, she would never go dancing again... She was trembling all over... her heart was beating wildly...

He persisted...

She resisted...

She kept praying, even speaking in tongues she hadnt known she was capable of.

Suddenly he stopped trying... it was no use he said. Then he made her take him in her mouth... both to silence her and to get the release he craved. Her head was mercilessly moved back and forth till he was satisfied...

It was 6 a.m and she had just experienced the worst night of her entire existence. He slept off while she sat huddled in a corner, wishing she could disappear or kill him. She felt the cold start to spread from her insides, she couldnt stop shivering...

He woke up an hour later and saw her dressed, smiled at her, beckoned for her to come over for a hug and asked if she would like to attend a church program with him later in the day ... like nothing happened...

In that instant she knew she had met the first person in her life that she could never forgive...

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

My camp experience

i wrote this early last year, which was when i went to camp, so i decided to put it up just for fun. NYSC's over now, but the experience still remains.

Cant wait to read what Hengish(FQ says hengish's in camp) has to say ... or is it write?

NYSC camp in the desert : Mar 31, 2007

i just got out of the glorified prison called nysc orientation camp. i call it prison cuz we had more in common with prisoners than we had with graduates.we had uniforms, horrible food, hideous accomodation and hard labour!

the only silver lining was that we all had thesame sentence and it didnt exceed three weeks.

i was posted to Jigawa state, pls if u dont know where that is check ur map.the camp site is located in Gumel and one cld stroll from this place to Niger republic.we were practically in the Sahara!the weather was extremely harsh(and we were told that wasn't even the worst weather yet),it was either extremely cold and dry,or extremely hot and dry.

eitherways it was dusty and i've never seen so much sand in my life!

we were 1718 corpers in a village where the entire population was barely 1000. the military officials had fun bullying us:
attention! quick march! slow march! at ease! frog jump! squat! walk like a monkey! catch bananas! roll on the ground! to the guardroom! etc.

but it wasn't all bad, i met a lot of wonderful pple,made quite a load of friends, invested a lot in the mammy market, ate a lot of suya, added some weight(according to my mum anyway) and got to visit the northern part of my country for the first time. i also learnt a few sentences(esp the naughty ones) of the hausa language, which i really like.

now the 3 wks are up,av had enough adventure to last me a year, i need to redeploy to Lagos!

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Blog Schmog II

“Here’s looking at you kid”
- Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

I have a mutant gene!

There! I said it *sigh*

Can somebody please tell me where to find Professor Xavier?

Okay, here’s why I think I have a mutant gene.

I sleep when …

… I drink coffee

… I drink energy drinks
e.g. last night after working like a dog all day, I got home at about 21hrs, and found a can
of Power Horse in the fridge, so I decided to put my mutant gene to the test. The Can reads “for sportsmen, lovers (hm.. *lascivious look*)” blah, blah, gives high energy (or whatever), in short, it should rattle one’s nerves enough to keep one awake and highly strung!

So I pop the can and guzzle down the foul tasting liquid, expecting to be awake all night. I slot in my “Ugly Betty” dvd and proceed to watch, THEN I start dozing! I wake up and check the time, 6am! Even now as I type these words, I still feel like curling up and sleeping.

I sleep fitfully when …

… I take sleeping pills
I once had a nasty bout of cold for which a concerned aunty gave me a couple of Tylenol PM pills AND Lexotan (both of them known to knock her out as though dead when she’s having issues). So, I take these pills and turned in for the night... and kept turning and tossing through the entire night! I was up by 3am!

Last week, I had another awful head cold which I really needed to get rid of because of all the events I had lined up for the weekend (which I’ll blog about layta). So I bought Actifed, the strongest one I could find, and everyone warned me not to take it until night because it would make a zombie of me. I complied and only took this miracle pill after 6hrs of dancing and organizing at our TGIF and… u guessed right. I slept a 12 midnight and woke up at 4am! After warning everyone in my household not to bug me till Clean Up aka “environmental” was over.

A concerned guy suggested a good bout of sex (of course he was volunteering to help me! Mr. nice guy that he is *rolling my eyes*), now I am afraid to try that out, I’m sure y’all understand why! *biting my nails now*

Can somebody tell me why I shouldn’t seek out the X-men? Maybe the dysfunctional reaction to sleep enhancers could be considered a special power *silly grin*

as per the Humphrey Bogart quote? irrelevant!