Thinkaholics anonymous

Hi, my name is Smaragd and I'm a Thinkaholic...

Hi Smaragd.

Yup, you read right peeps, apparently Smaragd's not just a kissaholic and a shopaholic, no sirree, I'm also a Thinkaholic.

I can't even think of a song that's suitable for this post, if anybody has a song, pray tell. Anyway, this was a conversation between my friend and I a few days ago:

Me: err, so I got to thinking about...

friend cuts in

Friend: you always get to thinking! oya tell me what u were thinking about this time.

I didn't know what reaction I was supposed to have to that! Was that a compliment or an insult?

Truth is I am always thinking.

I carry on conversations with myself in my head, especially with people I'm mad at but don't feel like talking to, I rehash the cause of the fight in my head and carry out the conversation in several other ways. If I feel I could've expressed myself better, I would... in my head, or if I feel I was unfair, I would allow the person's conversation to be better than mine. yea, I do that.

You see, I am a very objective person. I'm your best bet if you want to judge two people's stories, even when one of the two people is ME.

I have thought up several posts in the past week, if only I had enough grace to put them into words. One of the posts I plan to write is "100 things about me" (I got this from Abbie a while back). Hopefully, I'll get to that.

My hands do not work as fast as my brain unfortunately, matter-of-fact no other part of my body works as fast... e-Doctors (Bumight, Mizchif), can you please e-diagnose me or tell me at least that this is normal?

So, other Thinkaholics in the house, please sign up!

p.s.

thank you all for your responses to my last post! I learnt so much. Did anybody notice that Afrobabe had so much to say about love? hmmm, and that the guys "Rocnaija, Scribble me free, FBA" had more to say than I would've thought. THANK YOU ALL! MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!!!

What is the colour of love?

Tell me what is
the colour of love?
What do you see?
Is it warm is it tender
when you think of me
I see the colour of love
when I'm thinking of you
As a picture perfect
painting of love
forever true
... Billy Ocean- "What is the color of love"

"Willkommen an Bord" to all the new members of my family! I am sooo glad to have you guys, especially thrilled that y'all even wanted me in the first place. here's a whopping MWAH! for you. And to the ab-inicio members like Zena (u know i love u right?), Ibiluv... nothing's going to change my love for u.

That said, I noticed that only Funms answered the first question in the first paragraph of my last post. I cannot blame you guys, that post was totally random!

So, I'll just rephrase the question: What is the meaning of love?

It is an overflogged question, and people like William Shakespeare and a great many other writers have tried for centuries to explain it to Dummkopfs like me, but it just still isn't clear!

I like to think I was in love with my exes, but when things went awry (in both cases, break-ups initiated by yours truly), I always realized that maybe I was never in love cuz I move on, and maybe I dont know what love is.

I am a very expressive person who finds it very easy to develop feelings for people who are worthy of it. Saying "I love you" and meaning it has never been a problem for me, it just happens once I open my heart to you.

Then again, I believe there should be that one BIG TRUE LOVE of each person's life! maybe I'm wrong, but eh, a girl's gotta believe what a girl's gotta believe. I like to think that there is that someone whom I can never stop loving and who would never stop loving me THAT WAY (not in my family way).

Anyway, so I fancy myself as loving someone right now, the floodgates are opening and feelings are pouring forth... believe me when I say that with me, it's an avalanche of feelings! BUT, I'm afraid...

afraid that I just think I'm falling in love because of the time I spend with the person...

afraid that I might be mistaking other feelings for love. Please dont ask me what the other feelings are, cuz I just myt not have answers to that as well...

afraid of what the result would be this time if I fancied myself to be in Love and it is once again not the real thing. I probably would give up on it altogether and just harden my heart...

afraid that the status messages I've been putting up on facebook because that is the way I feel are just a figment of my imagination...

afraid that the person in question might not even be ready to be loved this much...

See, I'm like anything you can think of that has a tough (or deceptively), thin coating and extremely soft, sweet core... I appear no-nonsense right? but as my closest friend says and i know, once u get past that facade, it's icky goo all the way! I'm always afraid of getting hurt, being taken for granted and whatnot, hence the coating.

Before this gets too long, can u good people just tell me if loving someone is actually deciding to give that person a gift that I've never been able to give anyone else and feeling that it's the right thing to do?

Is it wanting to be with someone so bad at the risk of everything else?

Butterbaby, Temite... this is for u!

if this isnt love
tell me what it is...
... Jennifer Hudson "if this isnt love"

So I've been awake at 1am, then 3am this morning, wanting to talk to a certain someone... someone I've spent at least 360 out the last 1656 hours of this year communicating with in every possible way available to us at this time... yet I think I dont really know what LOVE is... can someone pls define love for me?

There are many things I've wanted to write this past few weeks, but my lazy ass just wont convert words from my brain through my hands to posts! now I do not even know where to start from.

Let me quickly introduce my two baby sisters on blogsville, two young ladies who make me wish I actually had sisters in real life and are both so real, sweet and interesting... Buttercup and Temite (she hasnt agreed to be my baby sis yet, but I'm adopting her by force...lol).

I have a thing for adopting people, which is interesting because I come from a large family, so I shouldn't be looking to add to it ryt? but that's the way I was configured jare, I wont even pretend to understand myself sometimes...lol

I want to have sex!

There, I said it! In this age and time where people are abstaining and Afrobabe is putting the fear of God and sex into hearts with her latest post, Smaragd is thinking seriously about losing the Vee and getting it over with. Of course it's not that I plan to put up a sign saying " Virgin seeks strong man to pop her cherry" or anything, I'm just saying what's been going on in my head to you my cyber-family that's all.

Can somebody tell me why nigerians have to write IELTS? after all, we were colonized by the Brits. I just find it exasperating and degrading sef, after all, i dont think people from Ivory Coast and other french speaking countries need to write any french exam before going for their master's in France... mcheeew. Anyway, I sha wrote the blasted exam on Saturday, made a new friend at the center and met a cute british council invigilator too...wink.

Anyway, in this spirit of randomness and long posts, lemme gist u guys about my shopping date with the newly emancipated Fantasy Queen...yup, FQ...

First off, that cute babe and I worked in the same office building for three months, the same floor! without ever running into each other until my last day at work! can u beat that? well, we finally did and she invited me to Le Petit Marche, where there were several things to taunt my dry pocket (since I already indulged in some Bukky De La Zaria delights a few weeks ago). I had fun, FQ is not only cute, she is delightful!and I hope we get to do that again soon, though I will definitely leave my cheque book, ATM card and petty cash at home next time...lol. FQ is just what my droll social life needs. Thanx for a fun day sweetie.

What else? oh, work! yea, work's been a mix, i'll decide how much fun i'm having after my first pay day here...lol. There's a lot to learn and I now work in the most organized environment ever, so no room for silly errors.

That's it for now my pretties, it's 4:54am and I need to get ready for work, I resume 6:30am now! pauvre Smaragd *bats lashes*

p.s. My blogtwinny, Ibiluv, has an amazing voice! I could listen to her talk for hours...lol

p.p.s. Incognaija, I hope your e-heart's gained momentum again now...lol

Bis irgendwann, tchuss! mwah!