Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Because Mama said so!

It was my older brother's wedding on saturday, so as it always is, our house was teeming with relatives (past and present), and as it always is with relatives, you get to hear stories of yourself dating as far back as how you were conceived and born a day before your parents' wedding and so on (that actually happened to my cousin).

So my godmother came around and somehow, yours truly became the topic of discussion. Suffice it to say that I found out things about me that both pleased and unnerved me! the conversation went as below:

Mum: Didi, did u know that aunty Oyibo(my godmum is so light-skinned,that anyone lighter than she is would actually be an albino!) delivered you?
Godmum: yes o, and now she's a young woman eh? "omode o n pe dagba" (meaning children grow really fast)
Dad: please tell her about that "manger" in which she was born, this one who speaks english like a parrot with hot yam in its mouth!

At this point, a part of me was of course itching to get out of there, while another part was eager to hear the rest of this maudlin conversation (maybe the part where i hear how cute i was as a baby etc), of course it took them forever to get to that interesting part!

Mum: really Didi, that maternity center was horrible! u dont even have a birth certificate! (now am fuming) unlike your brothers who were born in teaching hospitals.
Godmum: remember how she came out with her eyes wide open? we were all shocked and wondering what kind of child she was!

I was standing right there and they were talking about me in the 3rd person! great!

Mum: yes o! and she immediately stuck her thumb in her mouth like someone who'd been on a dry fast...ha ha ha
Godmum: I had to intubate you (at least they are addressing me now) to clean out your innards so you could start eating. You were all blotchy and covered in your own amniotic sack (yea,like that's my fault), so i had to clean u up (did i mention that both my mum and godmum are nurses?, well they are)...
Mum: "o wa fine" meaning "you then looked beautiful" (see why i called it maudlin, i got teary here), everybody said you were a fine baby and that u'll be really sharp because in those days babies didnt open their eyes until two days or more later (I felt like a superhuman at this point, too much!)
Dad: I remember how she called me "addy" when she started talkin(awww,really mushy stuff)

Then i was making fun of one of my baby cousins who isnt walking at 1yr plus, and my mum said, "look who's talking!you didnt start walking until a week after your 1st birthday"
yeeee, everybody started laffing!

why do parents do that? just totally burst your bubble when you are feeling really cool wiv yourself? it's like a special talent they all possess.

I also heard about how much of a terror I was, how I would beat other kids who were brought to play with me, I was a little Chun li (cute and deadly!). That gave me some satisfaction (believe me it did) because as far back as I can remember, I have never been involved in a fight, I cant fight to save my life! I am the mouthy type, who insults and then runs away.

Anyway, the reminiscing was endless and I doubt that y'all want to hear how my mum loved to carry me around cuz I was Oh so cute and chubby... and how i cut my first tooth bla bla...

So, that'll be all for today peeps... am still cute 'n' deadly by the way, just in case u were