Saturday, 9 May 2009

Making the most of it

"Cancer is a bitch,
If it were a person
It should be mauled to death!"
- ME!

Cancer is a freaking bitch! Puta!

So I was watching re-runs of Oprah's old shows, as far back as 1997, where she had these families of cancer victims who made the most of their short lives, no thanks to cancer.

One woman, a wife and a mother of one daughter, was diagnosed with breast cancer when her daughter was maybe 4 or 5, not sure now. This woman, may her beautiful soul rest in peace, decided to prepare her young daughter for life, all the years she was going to miss on. She made video tapes of her telling her daughter what to do in situations, from mundane to serious. As mundane as "how to wear make-up", "what kind of guy to date", "going to first prom" to important things like "what to look for in a man", "how to treat dad's new girlfriend after mum's death" etc!

I cried! I could not help it.

She died but not before she prepared answers to her daughter's most likely questions as she grew without her. What wisdom!

Another woman wrote letters to her 13yr old son and 8yr old daughter, telling them awesome things about them and how she hoped to be able to hold them from time to time from the land beyond. The boy cried while reading one of the letters on the show.

These are women who probably never hurt a fly, but evil, vile, contemptuous cancer caught up with anyway! But that's not the point of this post, the point is that these women made the most of the little time they had left preparing a comfortable life for their loved ones without them in it. That is love, and living.

So many of us are alive and well, see our loved ones all the time, meet people we can reach out to everyday yet we ignore them! just assuming that there will always be other times to be kind.

I don't even know why I am typing this post right now, I had a gazillion other things to blog about but hey, my fingers are on their own right now.

Please make the most of your life, love deeply, live fully, forgive easily, kiss deeply, share freely, be kind, helpful and never forget anything that made u smile.

I'll have to come back to read this myself anytime I'm being a

Thank you bloggers for every smile, every tear, every word... the laughter, the friendship, for everything.


I have not been diagnosed with cancer, neither am I dying my dear people ok?


Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Kiss Me Through The Phone

"baby, u know that i miss u
I wanna be with u tonight
but I cannot baby boy
and that's the issue
Boy u know I miss u
I just want to kiss u
... Kiss Me Through The Phone- Soulja Boy

My Heart... for you
...races at your voice
...loves you

My Brain...
...thinks of you
...dreams of you
...plans around you

My Body...
...longs for yours
...writhes for you
...can't wait to nestle you

My Mouth/Tongue...

...prays for you
...wants yours
...wishes to taste you

My Hands...

...ache to feel you
...are dying to touch you
...want to caress you

My Ears...
...are thrilled at your voice
...perk up when you sing
...hear you b4 you speak

My Eyes...

...can't wait to behold you
...shed tears when my heart misses you
...don't see the future without you

Thank you all for your comments on my last post and I apologize for not replying. Roc, my ISP is IPNX, please deal with them.

Unwritten, been a while dearie, glad u are still here.

O'Dee, Congratulations newest Blogmama! I am campaigning for blog godmother o, so please don't let this shout out be in

My peeps, please DO NOT drink and put up an audio post, thanks to Scribbles, I know first-hand that it is not a good idea! lol

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Sorry, my heart is taken OR It never rains, it pours!

"you came along,
proved me wrong
I thought that
I could never find,
U are the only one
who makes life fun
U're the only one of your kind
U are my dream come true..."
Lagbaja & Ego - Dream Come True

So, I'm a late bloomer.

Yea, everything happens to me later than they do my peers. Seriously! BUT, when they start happening, they/it/whatever happen/happens in chunks...masses...avalanche(s) (is there a plural for that? *shrugs*)

For example, it took me FOREVER to get this body! I think my curves have been growing one inch a year since i hit puberty, and guess what? I think my body is still developing at 25 (maybe I'm an exception to the

Same with male attention, it started coming late, which i didnt really mind cuz i was a "prude". I mean I still think it's shallow of guys to wait for me to sprout breast and grow hips before homing in but I understand...hehe.

So now @ 25, two ex-boyfriends, three years of self-inflicted singleness later, I finally meet someone who's making my heart bloom again and it starts to pour, again! How come they never swarm like this when one is single and not "hearting" anyone? mcheew

You know what I think? I think men can "smell" when a female is "feeling" and I propound that THAT is when they find females most attractive! Anybody with a contrary opinion?

Please find below the list of the men who have suddenly appeared in the last three months, especially within the last month (when I finally agreed that I do love someone)


Meeting point: Work (ex-office)

Stats: tall, dark, handsome,older and wears asphyxiating perfumes.

Summary: sought me out on fb and wrote "na me go marry u" along with his friends request.

Verdict: In his mind!


Meeting point: A friend (I so hate match-making!)

Stats: tall enough, dark, older and okay looking.

Summary: He decided I was the one he's been waiting for his whole life, and proceeded to call all the time and ask to kiss me on second meeting!we drifted apart, until he started calling again recently.

Verdict: who be fool? (he also had a sort-of-girlfriend, HELLO!)sorry, not looking for an overgrown baby.


Meeting Point: New Job

Stats: Tall enough, WHITE, older and over-tanned

Summary: He's around for three months and his job requires a really cute pistol in his back pocket at work. Has invited me to two restaurants (maybe he thinks all black girls are cheap) and stalks me at work.

Verdict: I lost interest in white guys when I once tried to kiss one and could not find his lips! I like them plum and juicy mehn. I still love half-caste babies, but maybe I'll adopt one or marry a Spaniard / Italian, the languages make their mouths more bearable. Sorry dude, I'm a lip racist! plus, the gun freaks me out.


Meeting Point: Once at Shoprite

Stats: Can't even remember

Summary: He is a colleague of my friend's. She IMed two weeks ago to say he's been pestering to be formally introduced to me.

Verdict: Sorry dude, my heart's taken.


Meeting Point: work

Stats: Don't know

Summary: got a call from a colleague asking if i had a boyfriend. I said maybe, asked why and she said I have a secret admirer bla bla.

Verdict: Something tells me it's the dude with the gun but I'm not sure. Whoever it might be, sorry dude, I like my men bold PLUS my heart's taken.


Meeting Point: Work

Stats: 6"4, dark, older and cute

Summary: met him at work and actually gave him my number on the same day, because he seemed sensible and cool. Three days worth of calls later, he says he is falling for me and making out with me in his head! plus, he has a Caucasian fiance o, whom he said he told about me, "e gba mi" (somebody save me).

Verdict: Dude, I don't "boyfriend-snatch". I also think you should pick one race and stick with it. I think u are nice though but even if u didn't have a fiance and were not so confused, my heart's taken.


Meeting Point: My cousin's house

Stats: tall, dark, older nd handsome

Summary: My cousins started off teasing us both and we hit it off. Found out later that he has a girlfriend who is in the UK. I think she's a lucky girl.

Verdict: Maybe if the circumstances were different... just maybe... but my heart's taken and so should yours be.


Verdict: Somehow u did it dude, despite the fact that you are not quite like the guys I've dated or crushed on, YOU STOLE MY HEART, and guess what? I'm not sure I want it back!

HAPPY EASTER PEEPS, SORRY I'VE BEEN MIA, INTERNET ISSUES AND OTHER STORIES. Sorry if the post is should make up for the two weeks without

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Thinkaholics anonymous

Hi, my name is Smaragd and I'm a Thinkaholic...

Hi Smaragd.

Yup, you read right peeps, apparently Smaragd's not just a kissaholic and a shopaholic, no sirree, I'm also a Thinkaholic.

I can't even think of a song that's suitable for this post, if anybody has a song, pray tell. Anyway, this was a conversation between my friend and I a few days ago:

Me: err, so I got to thinking about...

friend cuts in

Friend: you always get to thinking! oya tell me what u were thinking about this time.

I didn't know what reaction I was supposed to have to that! Was that a compliment or an insult?

Truth is I am always thinking.

I carry on conversations with myself in my head, especially with people I'm mad at but don't feel like talking to, I rehash the cause of the fight in my head and carry out the conversation in several other ways. If I feel I could've expressed myself better, I would... in my head, or if I feel I was unfair, I would allow the person's conversation to be better than mine. yea, I do that.

You see, I am a very objective person. I'm your best bet if you want to judge two people's stories, even when one of the two people is ME.

I have thought up several posts in the past week, if only I had enough grace to put them into words. One of the posts I plan to write is "100 things about me" (I got this from Abbie a while back). Hopefully, I'll get to that.

My hands do not work as fast as my brain unfortunately, matter-of-fact no other part of my body works as fast... e-Doctors (Bumight, Mizchif), can you please e-diagnose me or tell me at least that this is normal?

So, other Thinkaholics in the house, please sign up!


thank you all for your responses to my last post! I learnt so much. Did anybody notice that Afrobabe had so much to say about love? hmmm, and that the guys "Rocnaija, Scribble me free, FBA" had more to say than I would've thought. THANK YOU ALL! MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!!!

Thursday, 12 March 2009

What is the colour of love?

Tell me what is
the colour of love?
What do you see?
Is it warm is it tender
when you think of me
I see the colour of love
when I'm thinking of you
As a picture perfect
painting of love
forever true
... Billy Ocean- "What is the color of love"

"Willkommen an Bord" to all the new members of my family! I am sooo glad to have you guys, especially thrilled that y'all even wanted me in the first place. here's a whopping MWAH! for you. And to the ab-inicio members like Zena (u know i love u right?), Ibiluv... nothing's going to change my love for u.

That said, I noticed that only Funms answered the first question in the first paragraph of my last post. I cannot blame you guys, that post was totally random!

So, I'll just rephrase the question: What is the meaning of love?

It is an overflogged question, and people like William Shakespeare and a great many other writers have tried for centuries to explain it to Dummkopfs like me, but it just still isn't clear!

I like to think I was in love with my exes, but when things went awry (in both cases, break-ups initiated by yours truly), I always realized that maybe I was never in love cuz I move on, and maybe I dont know what love is.

I am a very expressive person who finds it very easy to develop feelings for people who are worthy of it. Saying "I love you" and meaning it has never been a problem for me, it just happens once I open my heart to you.

Then again, I believe there should be that one BIG TRUE LOVE of each person's life! maybe I'm wrong, but eh, a girl's gotta believe what a girl's gotta believe. I like to think that there is that someone whom I can never stop loving and who would never stop loving me THAT WAY (not in my family way).

Anyway, so I fancy myself as loving someone right now, the floodgates are opening and feelings are pouring forth... believe me when I say that with me, it's an avalanche of feelings! BUT, I'm afraid...

afraid that I just think I'm falling in love because of the time I spend with the person...

afraid that I might be mistaking other feelings for love. Please dont ask me what the other feelings are, cuz I just myt not have answers to that as well...

afraid of what the result would be this time if I fancied myself to be in Love and it is once again not the real thing. I probably would give up on it altogether and just harden my heart...

afraid that the status messages I've been putting up on facebook because that is the way I feel are just a figment of my imagination...

afraid that the person in question might not even be ready to be loved this much...

See, I'm like anything you can think of that has a tough (or deceptively), thin coating and extremely soft, sweet core... I appear no-nonsense right? but as my closest friend says and i know, once u get past that facade, it's icky goo all the way! I'm always afraid of getting hurt, being taken for granted and whatnot, hence the coating.

Before this gets too long, can u good people just tell me if loving someone is actually deciding to give that person a gift that I've never been able to give anyone else and feeling that it's the right thing to do?

Is it wanting to be with someone so bad at the risk of everything else?

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Butterbaby, Temite... this is for u!

if this isnt love
tell me what it is...
... Jennifer Hudson "if this isnt love"

So I've been awake at 1am, then 3am this morning, wanting to talk to a certain someone... someone I've spent at least 360 out the last 1656 hours of this year communicating with in every possible way available to us at this time... yet I think I dont really know what LOVE is... can someone pls define love for me?

There are many things I've wanted to write this past few weeks, but my lazy ass just wont convert words from my brain through my hands to posts! now I do not even know where to start from.

Let me quickly introduce my two baby sisters on blogsville, two young ladies who make me wish I actually had sisters in real life and are both so real, sweet and interesting... Buttercup and Temite (she hasnt agreed to be my baby sis yet, but I'm adopting her by

I have a thing for adopting people, which is interesting because I come from a large family, so I shouldn't be looking to add to it ryt? but that's the way I was configured jare, I wont even pretend to understand myself

I want to have sex!

There, I said it! In this age and time where people are abstaining and Afrobabe is putting the fear of God and sex into hearts with her latest post, Smaragd is thinking seriously about losing the Vee and getting it over with. Of course it's not that I plan to put up a sign saying " Virgin seeks strong man to pop her cherry" or anything, I'm just saying what's been going on in my head to you my cyber-family that's all.

Can somebody tell me why nigerians have to write IELTS? after all, we were colonized by the Brits. I just find it exasperating and degrading sef, after all, i dont think people from Ivory Coast and other french speaking countries need to write any french exam before going for their master's in France... mcheeew. Anyway, I sha wrote the blasted exam on Saturday, made a new friend at the center and met a cute british council invigilator too...wink.

Anyway, in this spirit of randomness and long posts, lemme gist u guys about my shopping date with the newly emancipated Fantasy Queen...yup, FQ...

First off, that cute babe and I worked in the same office building for three months, the same floor! without ever running into each other until my last day at work! can u beat that? well, we finally did and she invited me to Le Petit Marche, where there were several things to taunt my dry pocket (since I already indulged in some Bukky De La Zaria delights a few weeks ago). I had fun, FQ is not only cute, she is delightful!and I hope we get to do that again soon, though I will definitely leave my cheque book, ATM card and petty cash at home next FQ is just what my droll social life needs. Thanx for a fun day sweetie.

What else? oh, work! yea, work's been a mix, i'll decide how much fun i'm having after my first pay day There's a lot to learn and I now work in the most organized environment ever, so no room for silly errors.

That's it for now my pretties, it's 4:54am and I need to get ready for work, I resume 6:30am now! pauvre Smaragd *bats lashes*

p.s. My blogtwinny, Ibiluv, has an amazing voice! I could listen to her talk for

p.p.s. Incognaija, I hope your e-heart's gained momentum again

Bis irgendwann, tchuss! mwah!

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Doing a Freaksho!

Whether u fat o
whether u thin...
just dey move yea
move yea,
and get in the music...
- Omawumi "In The Music"

I'm so feeling this song at the mo, along with the next song that will start my next post, which will come soon (

English 101- Doing a freaksho; means the art of leaving a company before confirmation for another company where the pay is better, conditions probably better and one is likely to get promoted DUE to hardwork in 6 months.

Now that you guys know what the title of my post means, I'm sure I do not even need to explain myself any further.

Yes I'll be leaving my new job, No i'm not disloyal, I actually found it difficult breaking the news to my young attractive bosses (all married by the way, mcheeew), Yes, they are still trying to convince me to stay, No, I wont allow myself to be convinced, Yes, the pay is twice as much as what I currently earn, No, it's not just because of the money, it's actually a job I've been after since I graduated.

Did I leave anything out?


Freaksho, thanx for making the creation of this word or statement or whatever it is possible, i dedicate this post to u

Will be back sooner than y'all think with my lowdown on my weekend at Naija's version of Martha's Vineyard OR The Hampton's.


Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Long Thing

Tagged by Incognaija, and since i dont actually have a post, i myt as well do the darned thing! Homeboy, don't be tagging me in future sha o, ehen.

Where's ur cell phone?
u mean where are my cell phones? as per naija girl, THEY are on my table.

Where's ur significant other?
err... I like to think God's prepping him for my arrival in a special school for significant others. So, that's where he

Your hair colour?
Black, but it could be any colour at anytime soon

Your mother?
She's at work as we speak, probably administering the needle to someone

Your father?
He's at home, definitely reading his bible or praying at the mo

Your favorite things:
Right now? nothing

Your dream last night?
Um, if u dont mind me killing u after telling u, pls ask me again.

Your dream goal?
To be the best at whatever i eventually decide to do

The room you're in?
An open office at work

Your hobby?
Languages, music, reading, people,dancing, fashion... should i go on?

Where u wanna be in six years?
Happily- wealthy, working, settled, living, nurturing my family-

Where were you last night?
Missouri. At least, that's where I wished I

What you're not?

One of your wish list items:
going for my Master's January next year

Where you grew up?

Last thing you did?
A job interview in german

What are you wearing?
A black puffy-sleeved silk blouse tucked into gray flared work pants and black suede wegdes, silver accessories, make-up, Miracle by Lancome, a red bag... u want my underwear as well?

Your pet:
my none of recent

Your computer?
We have a love-hate relationship

Your mood:
Just took a dip

Your car?
is getting the last fittings i ordered at the BMW factory.

Something you're not wearing?
a helmet?

Favorite store?
Any one-stop mall that sells everything!

Your summer?
Don't actually have those, i'm home based, if u know what i mean

Love someone?
what can I say? I love loving, but not "in love" with anyone (semantics u say? right, but there really is a difference)

Your favorite colour?
i've never been able to

Last time you laughed?
an hour ago

Last time you cried?
yesterday morning and i wish i hadn't *slaps forehead*

Are you a bitch?
I'm definitely not a female dog

Favorite pastime:
these days, i dunno

Hater or lover:
definitely a lover

Genuine or fake:
Ebe ano! (pronounced "ebanaw" with a heavy igbo accent and meaning original, authentic, genuine)

Any vices?
laziness, impatience, being sensitive and overly emotional, over-thinking everything

Pro life or wire hanger:
I like to think I am Pro-life, but nobody ever really knows until they are faced with THE situation.

Mccain or Obama:
McDreamy-yes, McSteamy-yes, McDonald's- maybe, Mccain- hellz naw!

Pro-plastic or natural:
Plastic what? dolls? vibrators? what? *dumb look*

Dream job?
The one that pays oodles of money, gives me time for my family, allows vacations and offers plenty fun!

I have a feeling most people have been tagged jo, still i'll tag my Twinny, Freaksho (whom i know will prolly not honour it), Muse, FQ, Parakeet and Bumight.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

An Anal Gift

Word for the day : Confabulation

pronounced: \kun-fab-yuh-LAY-shun\

meaning: 1 : familiar talk or conversation
2 : a filling in of gaps in memory by fabrication

Disclaimer- the post below is going to gross some people out, please kindly stop reading here if your sensibilities are easily offended, thank you.

I need your take on something people, a very good male friend of mine told me recently that there are three things a woman can do for her man (more like let her man do), that are guaranteed to have him eating out of her palm.

They are:

a) swallow his semen when he climaxes during oral sex
b) arrange a threesome for his pleasure
c) allow anal sex

Now, all I require are very honest opinions on these three things.

This is a little gross, forgive me:

I tried to "shit" (pardon my french) three days ago and it proved extremely difficult AND painful for no reason I can explain now, I almost cried. The point of this grossness is that even two days after that, my rectum hurt no end everytime I sat on my toilet!

This little incidence got me to thinking how on earth anal sex could be anything pleasurable! believe me, I'm all for satisfying your man BUT I think I'd draw a line at anything that would leave me fasting out of the fear that eating would ultimately make me go to the toilet which would be my worst nightmare AFTER performing anal sex to make my man happy!

I've always wondered how gay men cope.

Ahem... as per threesomes, I think that while it is very okay to share, I would draw a line at sharing my man! pls do not tell me that I wouldn't mind this if I was very confident in my whatever.

Swallowing is not such a bad idea. Overall, it is the one thing I can imagine doing. So I score 1/3.

MEN, please give your honest opinions here. Is this true? would you do anything for your woman because of the above three?

WOMEN, anyone who has done IT, please assuage my fears if it isn't as bad as my toilet experience three days Would you allow it? if you wont say, it's okay.

Monday, 5 January 2009


"it's a beautiful life, oh-oh-oh-oh
it's a beautiful life, oh-oh-oh-oh...
- Beautiful life, Ace of Base


I say this with the hope that we all made it. December was a menage of feelings for me, I celebrated life i.e. the birth of my first niece Zoe which made me the proudest and happiest aunty on earth (post for another day)...

I mourned i.e. the death of an ex-colleague/salsa dance partner at the company's xmas party/on-the-way-to-becoming-my friend which totally threw me for a loop! I danced with him on the 19th of December and our mutual friends teased us no end about liking each other, then i got a phone call on the 26th;

L: (in a very weird voice) hello Smaragd
Me: hey! how are u babe? u are missing me already abi?i'm not in lagos o...
and i ramble on in my usual way
L: "long silence"
Me: oh..kay, what's up? why aren't u saying anything?
L: S is dead!

How was I supposed to handle that? how was I supposed to process that? I was shell-shocked! I know people die and bla bla, but not my friends! my friends dont die. I dont see them last week and bury them next week! There I was carrying a two-week old baby, assuring her that she had a full life ahead of her and being overly happy that she was with and suddenly life looked so bleak... so very like trees look in winter.

Becuse I refused to believe my friend, I called S's number, it rang and I began to hope until a woman who identified herself as his aunty picked up the phone;

Me: hello?
Strange voice: hello, who's this?
Me: Smaragd, S's friend, pls may I speak with him?
Strange voice: I'm his aunty, and err... something happened...
Me: Oh My God!
S's Aunty: so u've heard something then, it's true.
Me: I'm so sorry ma (and i dropped the phone like it was hot)

I just sat staring into space for hours after that with no tears. S had so much promise, he was very intelligent, very hardworking, very dedicated, very young, very handsome and unusual. Unusual because his looks didnt go to his head, he was very grounded and I was just getting to know him outside work.

It hurt no end. Still does. I could not bring myself to attend the service of songs, I just could not. I dont even know why I'm writing this cuz my intention was a bubbly post. Sorry guys, for dumping this on you all so early in the year, I'm really sorry.

I was going to write about the new development in Lagos. I'm sure we all know that Okadas (motorcycles) are here to stay as a means of transportation, so we know that trying to eradicate them is just as hopeless as believeing that there'll be electrical supply when I get home this evening.

So, it's been decided that if we cannot get rid of the necessary evil that the motorbikes have become, we can at least make them safer. Which means I have had to wear 4 different helmets today, because I have biked to the bank twice (back and forth) from my office! I wore the first one because of the novelty, the second because it looked new, the third i hesitated to wear because it was more an engineer's hat than a helmet and I flat out refused to wear the fourth one because I realised that this new inventive is the fastest way to spread head lice and God-knows-whatever-else people can catch from sharing hats!

there is only one solution as far as i'm concerned, I must buy my car sooner than i originally planned BUT while that's being processed, I need to keep my corporate cab driver closer than i did last year AND I need to get a scarf or a hanky that will by all means PROTECT my head from the interior of these helmets and all the tiny soldiers that they will pretty soon convey!

Thanks everyone for being a part of my 2008, for giving me a cyber family, blogging could not and would not have been what it was without you guys and I most likey would not have learnt as much as I did in 08 without your blogs. Thanks for the laughter ( oh i had a lot of that..."lol-ing", "Rotflmao-ing", just "lmao-ing" and the tears (yea, i had a dose of that as well). I believe 2009 will be better than 2008. Despite all that happened, it still is a beautiful life after all.

Welcome to the beginning of the best part of the rest of our lives.