Making A Nest

"your roses smell like
poo-poo-poo..."
- Outkast

Let me share a special skill with you, one that once acquired can guarantee you an infection free bum. Read on...

Required tools:

1. Toilet roll ( a lot)

2. Handwashing liquid (preferably anti-bacterial)

3. Running water


When you enter any relatively clean toilet, especially the one in your office, look around to make sure that the toilet is still within "salvaging" limits. Once that is affirmed, take your toilet roll, wrap a huge wad, spray some hand wash onto it and proceed to wipe the toilet rim clean.


CAUTION:
make sure the wad is thick enough for your hand not to touch the toilet.

Once that is done, you pick the toilet roll again and count three leaves, then cut. Lay the three leaves on the long side of the bowl. Count another set of three, cut and lay on the other long side, then cut two leaves for the short, frontal part of the bowl.

This measurement is very accurate for the standard toilet bowl.

The toilet should look very well covered at this point, there should no ceramic in sight.

Next, you roll up another wad of tissue and drop horizontally in the toilet bowl, such that the water that is normally found in the bowl is very well covered.

NOW you can sit on the padded toilet and fire away!

Flush when you are done, I assure you that all the tissue will flush without complications.

Please wash your hands before and after the do.

ADVANTAGES of this procedure:

a. there will be no direct contact with the toilet bowl

b. there is no risk of "splashing" no matter how hard/soft the excreta.

c. one does not need to be uncomfortable using toilets in places like the office or a friend's house.

d. the toilet will most probably smell less after you are done than it would if you had not made a nest.

NOTE of Warning:

I would only do this to a toilet in a semi-trusted place like my office. Would so not try this were I still in OAU!

Come back to thank me later if you never knew this, and if you did, well, share with me anything you feel i left out.

Thank you.

p.s.

thank you all for your honest contributions to my last post, I apologise if I scared some people.

100% pro-life?

"...in my coat of many colors
my Mama made for me...
- Dolly Parton



It was my mum's birthday yesterday, and while I'm a bit too lazy at the moment to write her the ode she deserves, I must say that my mum is the strongest woman I know. She is also the most quietly determined! We clash a lot but I am ever so protective of her.

My mum.

I have her body, to see us from behind one would assume we were sisters. I have her hands and fingernails, probably the shape of her face as well.

My mum.

She's been Forty-something for as long as i can remember...lol, and she gets away with it because of her frame and her good skin. "kosarugbo ni Ghana" (there is no old person in Ghana), that's what we call her...lmao

I will write her an ode later, the real reason for my title is this:

I like to think I am pro-life yea? but I have these questions for you my peeps,

IF you were pregnant OR if your wife was pregnant and you found out through technology that the foetus had Down's Syndrome, would you have the baby? would you remain pro-life?

IF it were discovered that the baby had sickle-cell anemia, would you have the baby?

IF having the baby would mean losing the mother, would you have the baby?

forgive me if I come across as pessimistic or uncaring or what-not, I have an older friend who has a child with Down's Syndrome and believe me , IT IS NOT EASY, period!

I have worked with kids with Down's Syndrome, and while i love these kids to bits, i cant help wishing they didn't have to live like that.

On the other hand, I feel every baby has a right to life.

just tell me what you think okay?

P.S.

I AM NOT PREGNANT!

Just the way you are...

"that's why i need you to know
i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is u..."
- The Reason, Hoobastank

I relocated on saturday, to another part of Lagos and in the midst of my things I found this poem I wrote at least seven years ago:

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

You are who you are
despite who people want you to be
You can be a Star
Even if those changes don't come to be

Learning to take people as they come is not easy
even diamonds don't come pretty
until they've gone through a lot of hitting
as the best of you forms gradually, it won't be difficult
to appreciate the beauty

From my heart I've come to love you deeply
learning to hold you more dearly
even if it's too hard to believe as it is
I'm loving you just the way you are and that is it


then i wrote a note to the friend i wrote it to saying:
I tried so hard to write something for you and this is it
there may be no beauty to the words but they are as sincere as sincerity comes.

Before you guys tell me about my lack of poetry skills, lemme ask you something,

If your parents told you that a prophet told them to inform you that you should not go out the whole of September, because they foresaw that you could die...
Then another friend calls you to say she was walking down the road one day, when a "prophet" walked up to her and asked her if she had a friend who is *inserts a perfect description of you* and when she affirms, told her to warn you not to venture out of the house this September...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? pray tell me.

Snuffleuphagus...

"... in your head, in your he-e-e-ad
zombie, zombie, zombie-e-e-e-e-e-e"
- Zombie, Cranberries

I see you.

I feel you.

I know you are here.

You are with me all the time...

...your presence as calming as the sound of a gently flowing brook in the woods.

You are everything I'm not, everything I want to be, everything I wish I was...

You give me joy, keep me sane in the midst of this well organized disorder...

That long drink of cool water on a hot, dry day? That's you

Your voice is the ointment that cools hot cuts and relieves intense pain...

Oh the comfort i have just knowing you are there...

And what's more?

I am the only one who knows you are...


You are my Snuffleuphagus


* Snuffleuphagus is the name of the brown elephant-like monster that was seen only by Big Bird in Sesame street, so it stands for someone or something that others believe is just a figment of one's imagination*

BAG, BAGGER, BAGGEST.

"Scintillate,Scintillate globe bibific
fain would i fathom thy nature specific
loftily poised in the eather capacious
strongly resembling a gem carbonacious"


p.s.

this is good ol' "twinkle twinkle little star..." a la big grammar and not originally written by me, infact i heard it from a friend in J.S.S 2 and have not forgotten it since then.

Okay!

to the order of the day,

I decided to take a picture of my bag's content on Monday just like Fantasy Queen did some posts ago, it's just another opportunity to practice my picture loading and put up a post at the same time.

So here's the culprit:



let's see if this clearer:




contents:
-one valid till June 2010 naija international passport, must use it some more before i change to ECOWAS passport.

-a 15ml vial of Viktor&Rolf's Flowerbomb eau de parfum (love it!)

-my liz claiborne make-up purse (filled beyond capacity...lol)

-M&S Hand Cream

-hideous lemon green and tan LC wallet (thank God i cleaned it b4 this photoshoot, u guys would have hated it more)

-My bought-in-traffic N300 wanna-be-Armani sunglasses (if i dont tell u, u wont know o, so dont try me, at least it protects my eyes from dust)lol

-my styling comb

-my hairbrush (currently sporting a 24inch weave, hence the need for that at all hours! woman and wahala)

-my active dental floss

-PK chewing gum (only two left in it)

-Chinese nokia 2505 (my official Visafone line)cute but battery wise horrible! the 5300 is the camera on duty, so u cant see it...lol

-a green mini towel that i carry only because it was distributed by a good friend at my dear friend's wedding.

-my 30ml Chloe perfume (one of my bday gifts), permanently resides in my bag

-my powder puff

-my bronze 608 mary kay foundation, i just joined that cult recently and it's not bad at all, only problem is that the shade is a shade too dark for me, thanx to the Mary Kay retailer.

-my cuticle remover (don't ask me why it's there, it just always is)

-a pack of lemon Orbit chewing gum (fast becoming an addiction)

-my 8gig 1.75year old ipod,a graduation gift which houses my eccentric collection of 1208 songs and some pictures. i totally love it!

-a vetiva pen, from a dear friend who works there.

-my black eye liner, *shrugs* it's too long for the purse...lol

-my bunch of keys. The beauty of this is in the key holder, it's a customized picture of two cute cousins of mine encased in leather. precious!

Phew!

Believe it or not, that bag is actually small, so i had to reduce my usual baggage on Monday. I usually carry more junk.

I must confess, I am not a bag person, I can carry one bag for as long as it lasts, then change to another regular, but I have friends who think I am a hopeless case and have therefore decided to keep giving me bags as gifts...lol.

This pink Tod's is one such gift from my particularly bag crazy friend Zi, who recently acquired a 685pounds (N 171,000) *gasps* Miu Miu bag! I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

Dont get me wrong, I have my own excesses, things i love enough to spend money on, but bags? nah!

Find below a picture of my current old faithful, exactly 20pounds and totally adorable:



A David Jones creation that houses EVERYTHING i need. People still tell me how cute it is and ask where i bought it, so why do i need a bag that can buy a car!

So peeps, i've had a good week and will most likely be having an even better weekend, it promises to be. I'll come back next week with my Highs and Lows post.

Quick question:

when everything seems to be working perfectly fine in your life, u are married to a man who loves and adores you, you just got this fantastic job, you've been to three continents this year and everything's just right and beautiful at this time! how do u feel? do u get this nagging sense of "i'm waiting for the axe to fall anytime now" or u just remain thankful and believe it's here to stay?

Pray tell peeps, i await ur comments.

y'all have a golden weekend (Baroque, allow me borrow ur word okay?lol), i plan to have one D.V.

MWAH!

I AM NOT MAD ANYMORE!

the eensy weensy spider
went up the water spout
down came the rain and
washed the spider out
out came the sun and
dried up all the rain
and the eensy weensy spider
climbed up the spout again!
- for black 007

It was a very beautiful day in August, the sun came up early but without venom so it was a dry yet cool day. That is almost a miracle in Lagos these days! Anyway, why was this day special u ask? It was cuz BB and my closest friend got married that day.

You guys remember my friend and BB from the I AM SOOO MAD post? (i just tried to link the post, hope it worked) so, BB recovered fully for his wedding and made my friend a very happy woman. It's an amazing wake-up call, my closest friend is now a MRS...lol. It's funny how i feel because my childhood friend who i am four days older got married four years ago and i didnt even bat an eyelash, whereas this closest friend of mine is a 1.5 years older than I am.

We had a bridal shower for her and it went very well, she cried though, which also made me cry... same at her engagement... dont mind us, it's a very emotional friendship we have...lol

It's been a wedding spree so far, i went for the wedding i told y'all about in EXTRAVAGANZA and it would have been more fun, i guess, if i hadn't spent four hours getting to the reception, thanks to Fashola and the Third Mainland Bridge closure (dont get me wrong, i appreciate the efforts and i think it's a good thing that that bridge is being repaired before it splits in two and kills thousands of lagosians, i just didn't like the traffic that day that's all). The party was good nonetheless and i took Shubby doo's advice and collected almost every souvenir that was handed to me...lol. I dont normally do that cuz i just dont like carrying stuff jare.

So i have a lot of things to write, just not enough time and motivation to write them in posts plus blogger's being a psycho bitch. I confess to being lazy and promise to do better. I am totally enjoying Afrbabe's new avatar by the way, no picture could have described her better or what do y'all think?

About my name change, i apologise for the confusion... many people had a problem pronouncing SMARAGD (which is german for my birthstone Emerald, the avatar is to help drive the point home), and so i decided to give ESMERALDA a try (spanish for the same birthstone). I miss Smaragd though and might still change back, but i guess for now, it's not bad being a sultry, dark-haired, husky voiced latina seductress, which is the picture Esmeralda brings to my mind...lol, hope i find an avatar to match.

I'm sorely tempted to put up full pictures of me, but common sense tells me that the beauty of mystery will be lost once that is done, so i'll just keep resisting the urge. It's difficult especially now that i know how to put up pictures...lol

Naijalines and Ibiluv have put me to shame with their regular updates, even Napaali and Carlang are not doing badly. Oluwadee's wedding is in four days and i'm guessing she is in Naija now... still saw her reception venue yesterday, beautiful place. Freaksho's back! after that hiatus and the guy's pretending to be bilingual! mchew.

Zephi's departed blogsville! *gasps* I just read that this morning... Uzezi's back and better with her Gambian bloke... Aphrodite might just be sticking with O afterall... Mz. Dee has a mammy water friend (yikes) and Chari and Mz. Dee seem to have a thang!, Atutu is back in Lagos and has refused to update since, there is internet in Lagos now? hmmm... the endless wonders of blogsville

I hear SolomonSydelle's kids had the flu? pele mummy three, hope they are better now. My little cousin had chicken pox as well, poor thing, he's all good now though, the pox wanted to spoil fine boy.

Do you guys like this dress?





will be back peeps!

EXTRAVAGANZA

little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and frightened miss muffet away!
- this nursery rhyme is for black007, i promised to teach u rhymes, so i'll post them as intros to my posts instead of songs for now...lol


hey peeps!

i will be going for a friend's wedding on saturday and below are pictures of what my designer made of the pink dry lace aso-ebi!

i liked it when she just brought it to me yesterday, but now i'm not so sure cuz it's a tad "extravagant"! i'm the understated elegance type.

Now I have to think of what to accessorize it with, suggestions anyone? *looks round hopefully*

Also, it looks like bride's dress to me cuz its floor length (i wanted something different from my usual short dresses). so i decided to wear it this morning, take pictures and ask u guys what u think.










I liked the lace until i found out that it was quite cheap and i paid so much for it!

anyhoo, congratulate me for learning how to put up pictures finally. lol

i'm going to publish this now so i can see how it comes out, then i'll eagerly await ur honest comments.

toodles!

HAPPY FEET!

"I am beautiful
in every single way
words cant bring me down
We are beautiful
no matter what they say
words cant bring us down
so dont u bring me down today"
- Christina Aguilera "BEAUTIFUL"

So I just saw the movie "HAPPY FEET" on Saturday, and i found it profound!

You are probably wondering what's so deep about that kiddie movie?

I'll tell you.

SUMMARY:

Mumble was dropped as an egg by Memphis (his dad) which "probably" led to his "being different".

He was different because he had no heart song (which was a big deal for penguins) and he couldn't sing (i love Mumble but his singing was godawful! lol) BUT he could tapdance! While his ability to dance was frowned upon by the penguin clan and considered "hippity-hopping", it was what saved the penguins from perishing from lack of fishes!

Mumble danced his way into the heart of -"The Aliens/abductors, penguins (because they walked upright) who had fat faces and looked very strange"...lmao!- the humans, who decided to save this beautiful and talented specie from extinction by putting a limit to fishing in the oceans.

So, Mumble not only found the answer to their famine problem in Penguindom, he taught all the penguins to tapdance. His "disability" became something everyone wanted to learn.

LESSON LEARNT:

""WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT (DISADVANTAGED IN PEOPLE'S EYES) IS PROBABLY WHAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD."

The movie gets five stars in my book, i recommend it for everyone and will definitely see it again. I especially loved the "dwarf" Latino penguins and Lovelace! they were hilarious. I'm not surprised cuz Mambo's(the funniest one) voice was done by Robin Williams (that's one guy I'll always find funny) and he had this way of saying "let me tell something to you" that cracked me up no end.

For those who've seen it, tell me if u saw what i saw in it and for those who haven't, please watch with your kids, little cousins, nieces, nephews and tell them the very important lesson that can be learnt from it.

I AM SOOOOOOOOO MAD!

zombie o zombie
- FELA



I'm very sorry for the lack of update peeps, forgiveth thou me Parakeet, Zena, Unwrit, NDQ and Afro.

I am reallllllllllyyyyyy mad!

okay Smar, calm down, calm down and narrate this tale...

So my closest-to-best-friend will be getting married in August, the second saturday in August precisely, and her Fiance, who is a manager at one of the top consulting firms world-over had an encounter with our useless-for-every-situation-except-the-unimportant-ones military men!

Last week Thursday, BB (my friend's Fiance) stopped over at an ATM machine on his way from a client's. There was a queue, which he joined and patiently waited his turn. Shortly after, a soldier came along wanting to jump the queue and the people protested vehemently and insisted that he wait his turn! The military guy got really ticked off and BB, as a gentleman, tried to reason with him and calm him down while the guy just kept arguing.

At that point in time, a lady who'd been in line for a while and was pretty upset at the military guy's audacity put her foot down and would not agree to the "shunting". The soldier got mad and slapped her hard! That was when BB (as a well-brought-up young man who would never raise his hand to strike a woman) decided that enough was enough and proceeded to tell the illiterate soldier what he thought of his animalistic act. the soldier saw this as effrontery!

He went back to his cantonment, which was unfortunately close by, and came back accompanied by several other ignorant idiots like him and went ahead to "teach BB a lesson"! they beat BB up so bad that the guy had to be taken to IGBOBI! his arm was broken, he sustained injuries all over!

PEOPLE, tell me what lesson these wanna-be human beings doled out that day? that we should give them respect undue to them? or that we should not stand up for our rights? worse still, that idiotic soldiers are mini-gods? Pray, tell me what BB did wrong?

My friend called me the next day badly shook up, I saw RED and i felt so helpless! now THAT is what infuriates me, the helplessness! I wish, for the first time ever, that my father was a top politician or someone who could move and shake! Cuz those buffoons must not go unpunished o.

Anyway, BB's family is a wealthy one and the last time i spoke with him, he said he will be suing as soon as he is well enough and i plan to be in that courtroom. But, this isn't just about money, it's about influence. BB might be attending his own wedding wearing a cast for God's sake!

This injustice must end in this country! The same nincompoops are the ones hired by NYSC to infuriate us in camp, seriously, when are we going to get any respect for human lives in Nigeria? It's bad enough that the "littlest" infrastructures are not in place, cant we at least have respect for one another and peace of mind?

Once in the papers, we read of a politician who slapped a pregnant customer in Spring bank for speaking her mind or something just as inconsequential! thank God for an NGO that took it up and made it news, it would otherwise have been swept under the carpet as usual.

I just had to write this out guys, I've been boiling for days. I hope you all are good.

Oluwadee, ur day is very close now, i wish u a beautiful wedding and a blessed marriage sweetie.

Blogsville idols, I'm so sorry i haven't been over, i have to download flash player on my system first! and thanx Carl, i have changed to Mozilla, so i can do stuff again.

Kissingitis ( pronounced kisseenjaitis)!

But how do you expect me,
to live alone with just me?
‘Cause my world revolves around you
It’s so hard for me to breathe
- Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

Please verify the following facts and get back to me so i can get back to Linda Schaefer who wrote this...lol!

1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.

2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout! (see, kissing is actually an exercise)

3. Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike. (maybe that should be used in catching criminals yea?)

4. Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches. (Ibiluv and Afro were so right about the sexual healing y'all)

5. The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.(WHAAT?! i hope i do better than the average person)

6. Ever wonder how an “X” came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.

7. Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running (confirmed!!!!!!). (I so want to kiss right now)

8. The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married. (I would love to verify that one) *inserts tiny cough*

9. Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t (husbands start kissing away, boyfriends start practicing)

10. The longest kiss in movie history was between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film, You’re in the Army Now. It lasted 3 minutes and 5 seconds. So if you’ve beaten that record, it’s time to celebrate! (is that supposed to be a record, we break that on a regular)
*********************************************************

RANDOMLY now:

I was at the Galleria last saturday and the one before, please tell me i'm not the only one who feels like i mistakenly landed in a high school on LUNCH BREAK! it's not that i have something against teenagers being there, but they've overtaken the place!

You want to see Nigeria's "Haute couture"?please go to the Cinema on a saturday or a sunday.

I'm lonely! (there I said it *phew*).

For so long i havent minded being alone, not being in a relationship et al, but at some point this weekend, i admitted to myself that:

i miss being in love

i miss having someone to love mindlessly

i miss having someone to cater to

i miss having someone to talk to about every- and anything

i miss cuddling and making out

I miss buying "pour Homme" perfumes i heart so much for someone i love to smell it on... you know... he comes to see me and i can bury my face in his neck all even'long just breathing him in...

i miss reading those texts with all the sweet nothings in them

i miss those intermittent calls i would get during the day and night just to hear i'm loved

Despite being the "feminist" most of the time, i really would like to have my own someone all over again, gosh, it's been over two years!

I just havent met anyone in recent times who "does it"for me and it's totally impossible for me to settle for less, i wasnt configured that way.

i'll continue this rambling later peeps, my boss just came in from Abuja! he wasnt supposed to be back until tomorrow! now i have to get really busy... nonsense and concobility!

MUSICAL TAG!

Queen Of My Castle did this to me guys, it's not difficult though and it is fun in a way! do it if u can

MEME Rules:
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Forgiven Not Forgotten – The Corrs
Whatever…lol, I guess I say that when I’ve been deeply hurt and the person asks to be pardoned.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Mr. Lover Man- Shabba Ranks
What?! Didn’t even know I had that song on my ipod!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Slow wind – R Kelly
OMG, now I feel gay!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Sucka for love – Danity Kane
Spot on! it’s that time of the month…

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Milkshake - Kelis
LMAO! This is hilarious, what am I a cow?

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Here and Now – Luther Vandross
Awww, if only I was a here and now person, my life would be so much simpler.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I almost Let Go – Kurt Carr
That’s probably true

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Not the I but the You in Me - Anointed
So very true, wish I could tell them that everytime they complain about my person… lol

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
So good, Loving Somebody and Somebody Loves you Back – Teddy Pendergrass
Damn right!


WHAT IS 2+2?
Two Hearts – Phil Collins
lol!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Dear Mama – Tupac Shakur
I don’t have a best friend so I guess that’s fine

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Islands in The Streams – Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers
LOL

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
More, More, More – Darryl Dixon
Well, I do need more of Jesus, Money, Shoes, Clothes, Perfumes and everything else

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Déjà vu - Beyonce
LMAO, maybe I’ve already seen it in a dream

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Beautiful Soul – Jesse McCartney
Pretty much!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Do you know? – Enrique Iglesias
lol, yea I do know

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt
GOD FORBID BAD THING!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Malo Malo (Yoruba meaning “don’t go”) – Crude Oil
Now that is soooo cool, this group/boy band is new in Naija and I like them.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Let Me Be – Britney Spears
ROTFLMAO! Along with Dancing, meeting people, reading etc.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Dear Diary - Pink
yea, dear diary, I’m a bad girl! Ha ha! Don’t I just wish!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Escape – Enrique Iglesias
Awwwwww

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Deliverance – Bubba Sparxx
Well…



My music collection is the oddest apparently and I listen to more oldies than this lets on jo! lol

I hereby tag IBILUV, NDQ, NAIJALINES, BLACK007, PRINCESA and UNWRITTEN

P.S. Black007, I havent been able to post comments at your end, I complained on ur 14th post (that's the only place my comments have been welcome apparently...lol) hope u saw it!

What Do You Think?

* Disclaimer - this post has not been put up to impress anyone, so please comment with every ounce of honesty you can muster *

What do you think of Air Hostessing as a career? I mean, how would you react if one of your very good friends upped and decided to pursue a career (or "non-career") in this field? To be a flight attendant, stewardess, cabin crew or whatever it's called in your part of the world?

I ask these questions because I once almost dropped out of Uni (in my third year to be precise) to do just the above mentioned.

Don't think this development came as a result of me being a “bimbette” who was about to be kicked out of school or was failing badly, as a matter of fact, the reverse was the case! I was top of my class all through Uni (I was in the faculty of Arts so I'm no Einstein).

I just got tired of school and the strikes; I wanted to start earning money, become independent and also have fun while doing it (traveling, meeting people, looking pretty etc), besides I’ve always loved the aviation industry but I’m too chicken to become a pilot…lol

So, a pilot friend dropped my CV again and I’ve been called for a test… now I’m not so sure anymore…

Of God, Rain and Corn on the Cob

"...ooh now i wish it would rain
now, down on me....
- Phil Collins & Eric Clapton

Every morning, as soon as I open my eyes, whether sluggishly or smartly, the first seven words I utter are "Thank You Jesus for one more day"

I am happy to mention that this is the only habit/ritual/undertaking that has been consistent in my life. I'm afraid I dont have a track record for consistency ...lol.
I read at QOMC that she does this as well, it's what spurred me to put this up. I recommend this for all of u peeps, it's a good way to start the day.
*************************************************

It's rainy season again!

I like it when it rains at night and i wake up to that serenity and cool that only an overnight rain can bring. That feeling that the whole earth has been washed clean while I slept, but that's not my favorite part...

I love that heady scent that fills the air when the clouds are heavy, full and darkly hued causing the earth to send out its pheromones thirstily in lusty anticipation. That wonderful natural fragrance that infiltrates the air as the first few drops of rain are greedily soaked up...

It's my aspiration to capture and bottle this fragrance, name it L'eau d'earth (or something...lol) because I have yet to encounter a perfume that's even marginally close to this heavily intoxicating, cleansing yet seductive smell.

I inhale deeply once i catch the slightest whiff of it, hoping to get enough of it in my system before it fades...

The other product of this wet season that excites me is CORN! Yes, Corn on the Cob.

I had my first corn this season three days after my birthday, memorable experience. You see, the selection and eating of corn is a ritual for me. Let me describe it the best I can (might be long)...

...the smell of ready-to-eat Corn cooking on the fire invades my room from the Kitchen and I stand up (usually from my supine postion on my bed) as though in a trance and head straight for the pot in the kitchen. Standing in front of the cooker, I open the pot ever so carefully and stare at the array of corn like an antique lover at a yard sale, I stare until i find IT!

IT is the perfect corn. IT has to be the right length, the right size and the perfect arrangement. IT has to be white or whatever the lightest shade of corn is and preferably slim. There's a saying where I come from that describes perfect teeth as looking like well-cooked corn...lol, I find it very true.

IT should have several straight rows on its cob, not a grain missing, discoloured or crooked. The rows must taper in reducing sizes to the both ends of the cob. When I find this perfect work of nature, I carefully lift it out and look around again, just in case there's more, then i place IT/them in a bowl half-filled with cool, salted water for a few seconds (as i dont particularly like hot food). Once it's cool enough, I arrange IT/them on a plate,slather with butter, return to my room, lie down on my flat belly with a novel or a movie and proceed to devour IT.

That's not all, once there is no longer any grain left on the cob, I suck the cob till there's almost no juice left in it, then chew the soft part of the cob till it's dry, spit out the whatchumacallits, only then will i be satisfied.

P.S.

I will eat roasted corn only when it is sweet corn covered in BBQ sauce and slightly barbequed or roasted.

phew! there is the update i've been too lazy to put up.


I still cant highlight, italicize, or change colours on my blog! somebody help me!

You make me wicked, You make me wild

I've kissed the moon a million times
Danced with angels in the sky
I've seen snowfall in the summertime
Felt the healing of the powers above

I've seen the world from he highest mountain
Tasted love from the purest fountain
I've seen lips that spark desire
Felt the butterflies a hundred times

I've even seen miracles
I've felt the pain disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

Chorus:
You bring me up when I'm feeling down
You touch me deep you touch me right
You do the things I've never done
You make me wicked you make me wild
'Cause baby, your my #1

I've sailed in a perfect dream
I've seen the sun make love to the sea
I've kissed the moon a million times
Danced with angels in the sky

I've even seen miracles
I've seen the tears disappear
But still haven't seen anything
That amazes me quite like you do

- Enrique Iglesias "You are my number 1"

This song is so beautiful and deep that i've played it about 100 times since i discovered it on my ipod yesterday! I couldnt resist putting up the whole lyrics, so if u are the romantic type, close your eyes and listen to it.

I promise to update mid-week with what's really been on my mind, i got sidetracked by this song.

Poetic Justice

"these words are my own
.....................
- Natasha Bedingfield

I am Twenty Five
Thank God i'm alive
Situations not taking a nosedive
Like bees angered out of their hives

I am two decades and a dec*
No more on life's observation deck
Anticipation leaves me a nervous wreck
Now I'm worried what havoc i might wreak

I am a quarter of a century
I think I deserve loads of jewelry
From life's self appointed jury
Hey, i deserve not to live in penury

I am a silver jubilarian
Makes me sound like an unsexy librarian
More like an overly proud aryan
Somebody finish this line before i misyarn!

okay guys, i wrote this last week with some malaria still in my brain, so have mercy when telling me how much it sucks...lol

I'm personally not a big fan of poems except they rhyme and/or are romantic, so am no Keats or Shakespeare, but i made use my poetic license...lol.


* dec- half of a decade

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I cant find the right lyrics to start this post off with, hence no intro!

First off, THANK YOU ALL so much for the birthday wishes! I just read through all the comments and i've got tears in my eyes and a beatific smile on my face wondering what took me so long to find blogsville! How can people i've never met make me so unconditionally and deliriously happy? *blowing a gazillion kisses your way peeps*

You guys are the bestest!

I dont want you thinking i'm sickly or anything, even i dont understand what's been happening these past coupla months! I'm AA, which means i'm malaria-prone, but i havent been this sickly in years.

So, on the morning of my birthday, while dressing up, i started feeling nauseous but i ignored it. I went to work, receiving many calls and many hugs and text messages, in short i was gliding around the office in my 4-inches red peeptoe sandals, until noon. Then i started burning up! long and short of it is that Malaria snuck up on me like a stalking bitch and i started throwing up at work!

my cake arrived, big,creamy and very coconutty but the smell of it sent me straight to the loo! everyone at work said it was a fantastic cake sha (thanx to my sis-in-law), even though till today i cant tell what it tastes like cuz i couldnt eat it! couldnt even take a picture!

So, here i am three days later just re-acquainting myself with my PC. my boss told me not to come in but i had to come respond to you guys and also to wish Supergirl a happy birthday a day after (didnt want it to wait till next week.

I've lost weight and am a bit pale, but on reading your comments, I can feel myself getting re-invigorated and even an itsy-bitsy fleshier...lol!

let's do a little exercise:

y'all close your eyes, imagine the sexiest person ever coming over to you, planting a sweet, tender kiss on your lips... then he/she places a cube of the creamiest, sweetest, melt-in-your-mouth cake u ever tasted! and u deserve it too!

thanx for taking part in that exercise, it's specially from me to with too much love!

Guess what my mum bought for me? a book titled "BEFORE THE RING"! i tire.

Dr. Naps, pls i need a consult...

24 going on 50!

" go on, go on, come on
leave me breathless
tempt me, tease me till i
cant deny this lovely feeling
make me long for your kiss"
- Breathless, The Corrs


So, Im going to be 25 tomorrow!

*heart beating wildly* I'm not quite sure if it's out of fear or excitement.

You see, i have been throwing the age around a lot of late, like it's a perfect answer to every question...lol

An example of a typical conversation with me these days is:

Mum: why do you need to buy that item? u are too young

Smaragd: excuse me mum? I am 25 years old! *with really wide eyes*

OR

Dad: why do you want to move out? what makes u so sure u are ready for this big move?

Smaragd: I am 25 years old dad!

OR

Boss: why do you need a raise? it's not like you have any responsibility.

Smaragd: I AM EFFIN' 25 years old for crying out loud! isnt that enough responsibility in itself, duh! (wish i coulda said it like that though!lmao)


25 is just before 26, which is the age limit for most entry level jobs in Nigeria! i know that isnt really

relevant for me because I already have a job BUT it's scary all thesame!

I am no longer that age where people dont bug me about marriage, i miss those years already... 18, 21 even 22, 23... I was still considered a "girl", now I'm a young woman (in my family's eyes) and the expectations have changed.

The unfortunate thing is I HAVENT CHANGED! i'm still the same girl i was last year or two years ago. I was a graduate then, I am a graduate now, I had no boyfriend then, I have no boyfriend now, I ate noodles all the time then, I still eat noodles all the time now (yep! i do) I wasnt having sex then, I am still not having sex now ( i know, i'm boring), I could go on and on!

25! a rude awakening! mid-twenties!

u hear stuff like " o ma ti n dagba" (u are getting old!), "o ma ki n se omode mo" (dont u know u are no longer a child), "awon egbe e ma ti bi omo meji" (your mates have two children). Sometimes i just want to scream out loud and tell these people to let me grow in peace and at my own pace!

Okay, enough venting.

So the birthday gifts have started coming in, a card signed by the whole office,i got a perfume i like today from one of my colleagues, "TROUBLE" by Boucheron, it's an old perfume (2004) and smells very much like Vivienne Westwood's "Boudoir", Lancome's "Hypnose", Dior's "Addict", hypnotic poison.

It has a sexy musky "woody" smell, not something i'll wear everyday though, actually, there's no perfume i'll wear everyday...lol.

I read that it's got mandarin, bergamot, water hyacinth, musk, precious wood, vanilla, digitalis (scary eh?) Jasmine, Citron, Blue Cedar and Amber. My boss says he dislikes the smell already, but too bad cuz i had to inhale his "Joop" (ew!) everyday last month till it finished!

Tomorrow, i'll tell u all about my day. I have a cake coming in, layered cream cake with coconut sprinkled all over it. dont know why i ordered it except for the fact that i dont want icing on my cake, I'm 25 now *ha ha*

p.s. blogger is acting crazy, i can neither highlight nor italicize my words. So bear with me.

Higgedly Piggedly!!!

" come on bay-bay
let's do the twist
come on bay-bay
let's do the twist
come on bay-bay
it goes like this..."
TWIST, Dunno who sang it...lol

Remember this song from those days? NTA adapted it for a while too.


" I know u, u are a horny toad,
horny toads give me warts,
hop away horny toad!"
- Claire Sims to Alan Shore,
Boston Legal Season 2 episode 2

this is not a song, but the delivery of these words cracked me up no end! still laff just remembering the actress's face when she said it, "ick and double ick"!


"goodbye Joe, me got to go
me oh my oh, me got to go
upon the pier down the bayou
my Yvonne, sweetest one,
me oh my oh, son of a gun we'll
have big fun on the bayouuuuu
- Kenny Rogers?


I have been watching Boston Legal, currently on season 3 and totally hooked in an "UHU glue" way, it's abso-sugar-lutely fantastic!

I do have stuff to write, but i'm organising a "Get-together" that'll start in a few minutes, so i really have to run. will be back peeps.

HAPPY
MOTHER'S
DAY TO
THE MOMMAS
ON BLOGSVILLE,

y'all have a "BLOGALICIOUS" mother's day!

PIN CUSHION MEETS OBJ ... AND... T.A.G.G.E.D

p.s. I love you
- Gerard Butler, p.s. i love you.

This tagging thing is work o!

…here are the rules:…
1. …link the person who tagged you…
2. …mention the rules in your blog...
3. …tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4. …tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. …leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged…


Here goes…

I am a very quirky person! I’ve got a gazillion quirks, infact I have found at least one quirk in common with all the tagged bloggers I’ve visited! So my first quirk is that I am probably the quirkiest person I know, I’m weird like that…lol

I was born with my eyes wide open! I already wrote about that in an earlier post “Because Mama Said so”. According to my parents, as at 25 years ago, babies didn’t open their eyes until days or even weeks after birth, so I gave my parents a pretty good scare…lol

I hate making decisions! Also already wrote about that in “Decisions = Incisions”. Decision making for me is a huge task and I always “unmake” up my mind right after deciding on something. I think this is a direct result of my next quirk.

I am always thinking! I think non-stop at all times except when I’m sleeping. There’s always a conversation going on in my head per time, or a thought I want to write down or something I should have said to someone or I plan to say etc.

My “extremities” (if they can be called that), are small! By extremities, I mean my feet (size 4 ½), hands, nose, and ears (white pple particularly are amazed at the size of my ears…lol).

I can’t masturbate! It’s an activity I find very disconcerting, (this has nothing to with religion, although I’ve heard it labelled “sin” in church).

I read everywhere, toilet, while eating etc, I always have a book with me.

Finally, I get easily bored! (With people especially guys, jobs etc). It’s a crazy thing, but it’s true. That makes 8 quirks (sorry, I don’t do well with rules either…lol)



Phew! Glad that’s done, and seeing that almost everyone’s been tagged, I hereby tag all untagged bloggers.

*********************************************************************

On workers’ day, I went for my friend’s engagement party wearing one really nice African print dress my tailor just made for me. The engagement started late so I left at 4pm for the Ikoyi boat club where I had oodles of fun!
I was with a beautiful family (my mentor’s). The kids are amazing! We left the boat club for a slow cruise on the incredibly calm water and I got to steer the boat!

It was a truly beautiful day, even the elements co-operated. The sky was at its bluest, you know that type of weather you get when it looks like rain but it never actually pours? There’s the cool breeze and the not-blazing-as-usual sun, everything just worked together to make the day nice. We had Moet and goat pepper soup (for the adults) on the boat, chicken, chips and juice for the kids and cruised for a couple of hours up and down the Lagos coastline. It was über-relaxing and fun!

Then Saturday…

Had to go over early to my friend’s cuz I was on her train, (with the rate at which I’m going, I’ll probably have 27 dresses at the end of the year lol… is it true that one shouldn’t be a bridesmaid more than thrice in a lifetime?).

Anyway, the wedding service started at 2pm, but because there was just one make-up artist for 7 bridesmaids, we got to church 30mins late (the bride got there in time though), and because I especially entered last along with another chic, we both got to sit apart from the other maids.

If u have been to Methodist churches, u will know that their chairs have these co-joined sort-of table where bibles are placed (or where one can place one’s head to sleep if u will…lol), and that it is therefore difficult to move out of one’s seat. Anyway, during the rest of the service, guess who came in? OBJ (the bride’s father is a politician who worked with OBJ at some point). The silly guys he calls SS wanted to take him past the very front of the church where the couple was seated just to get him a seat! So the old guy refuses and sits on the closest chair, which was of course mine!

That was alright except for the whole paparazzi thing. The girl beside me just ignored the SS guys who tried to get us to move to another chair, they even got the other bridesmaids to move back one row of seats! OBJ then said it was alright, that they should leave us alone.

The highlight of this story is that on our way out of the church (the couple and the train always leave first before other people abi), I and the other babe now either had to walk past OBJ on our right or past seven members of the groom’s family on our left. We decided to go the OBJ way (which was clearly the least clumsy) and his SS guys almost went epileptic…lol, so the other girl went first (the babe no even send …lol), and I followed, and Baba Iyabo, being the gentleman that he is *eyes rolling* decided to support my pin cushion with one hand to help my exit, gasp!

Everybody behind us noticed! You can’t imagine how much fun was made of me that day…lol. I was being fancied by an octogenarian (even though the old guy was only trying to be nice…lol).

That's how Pin Cushion met OBJ.

p.s. this is a 3-in-1 post in one so bear with me.

Pin Cushion

I love you,
you love me
we are a happy family
with a great big hug
and a kiss from me to you
wont you say you love me too?
- Barney sing-along...lol



If u are looking for the pin cushion that inspired my title, tell me to turn around and u'll see it right there, jutting out roundly from the base of my spine.... voila... my derriere!

*sobbing*

yes, my bum has now become a pin cushion!

why? how?

I have been complaining of not feeling 100% for a while now, sometimes i'm upbeat, other times i'm blue. headaches, cough that lingered, sorethroat that got treated and then came back thrice in 6wks! skin irritation etc. Things literally fell apart in my system.

So, sunday morning, i woke up with a fever but i still dragged myself out of bed and went for the last service in church. Monday morning, i woke up with no voice! i couldnt talk for the inflammation that was in my throat.

Long and short of it is that i ended up being dragged along with my mum to work on wednesday (she's a nurse). After all the testing and story, the doctor prescribed 2 injections per day for 5days!

GASP!!!

Why is that a big deal?

First off, the last time i got an injection, i was what? 10yrs old! that's almost 15yrs ago!

secondly, i loathe injections, i hate the thot of something pricking me and yea, have i mentioned somewhere that my threshold for pain is VERY low?

so, my mom schlepped me off to the injection room (yep, there was a room called that) where i started my drama. It was humiliating!

You see, I am a drama queen by nature. The drama becomes amplified by certain emotions e.g. fear, excitement, sadness etc

So, after i had negotiated with the doctor to see if i could get oral alternatives for the injection, all to no avail, i spoke to myself, hoping i could self-motivate, for where?
At the sight of the first injection, i started pleading wiv the nurse, sweet-talking her, telling her i loved her (crazy yea?). When that didnt work, i changed tactics and began to bawl like a baby!

At some point, my mum told the nurse to chase me out of the room. Even i was ashamed of myself...l0l. All my antics got them to have pity on me and mix the contents of the two little vials together (now why didnt they do that before i started crying? sometimes i just hate nurses)

Please note that i now had one injection to contend with (that was before my mum decide that i needed the TT injection as well). Eventually, a kind older nurse suggested that i hug her tightly while my mum administered the needle (very sweet woman, God bless her soul). I held on to her tightly but as soon as i felt the swab of the cotton wool on my bum, i bodily lifted the poor woman and ran round in circles some more.

Now it's funny, but at that point in time, that injection was my greatest fear ever. I settled down to have it administered by my mum finally (she's the most careful nurse i know) and it wasnt so bad after all.

Then i got the TT on my arm,(with less ado).

And i've been getting a daily fix since then. I still run around a bit, but i'm becoming a pro...lol.

Shame on me yea?

Y'all cant blame me, i'm entitled to my eccentricities.

A la Bumight, it's my birthday in 18 days, yay!

And lastly i had a splendid worker's day ystdy, will blog about it layta, plus i have a mighty crush on Alan Shore (James Spader) in Boston Legal, Gawd, i never thot i could be attracted to a man cuz of his ability to speak "legalese", be vulnerable and chase women without trying too hard!

Oh, and i've been tagged by naijalines (i'll get u for that), so i'm working on it.